I was thinking long and hard about what to write in my blog today. (yes, you will be surprised at how much effort I place in my blog, not that it is v obvious, but really, I put effort in maintaining it...
Anyway... obviously, based on the title, you know, nothing. cannot think of anything. So I shall stick to my favourite Non-theme. Random thoughts (since I have so many of them anyway)
Met my fave stray dog and his old man "packleader" today. So happy, really made my day. I love that dog... everytime i see this dog, my heart goes all mushy...
Anyway... next topic... damn.. no next topic, and no random thought. at least nothing that is running through my head now.
Korean Drama? Still in the phase, but cannot really be bothered to write about it.
Cute guys? mm... ok lah. it's a common enough topic. I talk it to death when I am in my huazhi mode.
Travel plans? BKK in May, then nothing. we'll see... still have my free plane ticket, redeemable starting June.
Study Course? Feeling very bored by it. Interesting when I am in class, but my focus is on my work, and work performance these days, so I am just taking things as they come. Not really doing anything extra.
Work? Source of stress, but still ... handellable. Just need to grouch about it more to friends and family to relieve stress.
See what I mean? Absolutely nothing to blog about. Nobody really bullied me, nothing traumatising has happened, other than that one video I saw, which is still plagueing me now.
wanna go sing song, but no money. Anyone wants to sponsor me? According to my calculations, I have 300 to last me till the 21st of next month. Roughly 100 per week, how to survive? Esp when I am always waking up late and taking cabs. wah... really running out of crap to spew.
Me... nothing to say. everyone go buy 4D...
28 April 2005
25 April 2005
meeting with the dog
one early bright morning, crow-nth decided to wake up bright and early, after all, the early bird catches the worm. But that was a problem that crow-nth faced, why eat a wriggling live worm, when he could have delicious nasi lemak off the tables at coffeestores and hawker centres.
Anyway, crow-nth decided to wake up bright and early, just for the heck of it. He was flying around, when he saw this young spirited dog. he flew down and started chatting with this dog. "what's your name, puppy".
The puppy replied, "Name, hmm... I'm not sure I have one. I am the eldest one of the litter, call me First then."
That has gotta be the weirdest and stupidest name I have ever heard, crow-nth thought First. But then, heck, mine's not much better either, at least I tagged a number to it.
"Hi First, I'm nth, crow-nth", replied crow-nth.
"So why are you out gallivanting so early in the morning?" asked crow-nth.
"well, I don't know, I sorta just follow this old man around. He's very sweet, and he goes around, trying to save trees. He doesn't put on that funny contraption that all the other humans do around their paws, I think he's one original dude. so I have decided hat he's a cool enough dude to be my pack leader. I'm waiting for him, he will appear soon."
"Save trees? that is wayy cool! We crows nest in trees, and there are so little of them left, it's getting more crowded than a hdb block! Not that we're having any problems with propogation despite the crowd, since obviously, there're so many of us around." exclaimed crow-nth. "I shall stick around and check out your packleader" he added.
"Oh here he is! quick, if you want to check out this cool old dude, you have to keep up, he's a fast one." First panted and started to trot after the old man at a distance. "Now the trick to trying to subvert him to become a pack leader is, you have to follow him at a distance. show him that you're interested, but not too aggressive, or else he may not like it."
"woah, I never knew there were that many rules to getting a pack leader, I am not even sure if we crows have a leader, we're just around... is there really a need to get a leader?" asked crow-nth.
"Of course there is, there is no meaning in life if there's no leader. My sister, that's her, the one with slightly longer fur, she just stays at home all day and waits for the leftovers that her packleader gives her, in return, all she has to do is bark at anything and anyone that comes near the gate. What kind of life is that? I ask you. What I want, is an inspirational leader, one who incites awe in me. Like this old man! He defies all, walking around in his pants, barefooted, shirtless... and the best part is, he saves trees. He goes around to trees that have fungi/disease, and using that firestarter of his, he burns the disease away. It's a hard chore, but somebody's gotta do it. And my packleader there, he's not one to shirk from responsibility."
Crow-nth stares at First and says, "You have guts, young puppy. I wish you good luck in the subverting that cool old dude into becoming your pack leader. Come pee at my tree 111034, when you have succeeded. I will crow loud and proud to announce to the crow community that you, First, have finally gotten a cool pack leader."
"thanks a bunch, crow-nth, you're a real friend." said First.
Crow-nth then flew off, determined to find himself a packleader. He flew to his favourite hawker centre, as he flew off after a good meal, *BANG!*, the crow cullers were here and crow-nth was the first to get hit.
Crow-nth died.
the end.
Anyway, crow-nth decided to wake up bright and early, just for the heck of it. He was flying around, when he saw this young spirited dog. he flew down and started chatting with this dog. "what's your name, puppy".
The puppy replied, "Name, hmm... I'm not sure I have one. I am the eldest one of the litter, call me First then."
That has gotta be the weirdest and stupidest name I have ever heard, crow-nth thought First. But then, heck, mine's not much better either, at least I tagged a number to it.
"Hi First, I'm nth, crow-nth", replied crow-nth.
"So why are you out gallivanting so early in the morning?" asked crow-nth.
"well, I don't know, I sorta just follow this old man around. He's very sweet, and he goes around, trying to save trees. He doesn't put on that funny contraption that all the other humans do around their paws, I think he's one original dude. so I have decided hat he's a cool enough dude to be my pack leader. I'm waiting for him, he will appear soon."
"Save trees? that is wayy cool! We crows nest in trees, and there are so little of them left, it's getting more crowded than a hdb block! Not that we're having any problems with propogation despite the crowd, since obviously, there're so many of us around." exclaimed crow-nth. "I shall stick around and check out your packleader" he added.
"Oh here he is! quick, if you want to check out this cool old dude, you have to keep up, he's a fast one." First panted and started to trot after the old man at a distance. "Now the trick to trying to subvert him to become a pack leader is, you have to follow him at a distance. show him that you're interested, but not too aggressive, or else he may not like it."
"woah, I never knew there were that many rules to getting a pack leader, I am not even sure if we crows have a leader, we're just around... is there really a need to get a leader?" asked crow-nth.
"Of course there is, there is no meaning in life if there's no leader. My sister, that's her, the one with slightly longer fur, she just stays at home all day and waits for the leftovers that her packleader gives her, in return, all she has to do is bark at anything and anyone that comes near the gate. What kind of life is that? I ask you. What I want, is an inspirational leader, one who incites awe in me. Like this old man! He defies all, walking around in his pants, barefooted, shirtless... and the best part is, he saves trees. He goes around to trees that have fungi/disease, and using that firestarter of his, he burns the disease away. It's a hard chore, but somebody's gotta do it. And my packleader there, he's not one to shirk from responsibility."
Crow-nth stares at First and says, "You have guts, young puppy. I wish you good luck in the subverting that cool old dude into becoming your pack leader. Come pee at my tree 111034, when you have succeeded. I will crow loud and proud to announce to the crow community that you, First, have finally gotten a cool pack leader."
"thanks a bunch, crow-nth, you're a real friend." said First.
Crow-nth then flew off, determined to find himself a packleader. He flew to his favourite hawker centre, as he flew off after a good meal, *BANG!*, the crow cullers were here and crow-nth was the first to get hit.
Crow-nth died.
the end.
Suddenly... I don't feel like working
despite my best intentions, I suddenly don't feel like working... In fact, I had an idea for another crow-nth story. But that one I will write out when I get back or something. I was "fu-yan-ed" just now. I hate being fu-yaned. Tamade... anyway.. bygones. I say that cuz, I will not fu-yan people... and while I hate it when people do that to me, I cannot change them. BUT... wahaha.. what I can do it remember... like the petty bitch I am that they "fu-yan"ed me... I will remember it vindictively. and secretly harbour this hatred and resentment against this person. One day, one day, I will get back at you. you bitch, I don't know how, I don't know when, either that, or karma will get back at you, and you will be "fu-yan"ed by the whole world, and then you will know what that felt like. Speaking of which, I realise that there are many superficial people in this world. To them, being "fu-yan"ed is a good thing. They don't like real people. What they want is to be "fu-yan", they do that, and they want others to do that to them. Like, buying presents for bdays, etc. You buy a present and you mean it. They do it cuz they're supposed to, and you're supposed to buy back, or you're not playing the game, the game I term "Pretend Good Friends". Then behind this person's back, they will go, "Nah, I am not so close to her, she's such a bitch, etc" In front of her, she will be "You're my best friend." Have I ever been on the receiving end of such a person? Hmm.. probably, but maybe I didn't realise it. This view stemmed more from observation of others, and how "superficial" their friendships really are. But damn.. has anyone done that to me, I wonder. Damn. damn. damn. No.. I will not think about this! *trots off in denial*... I will not be "fu-yan"ed!! I absolutely hate it! *shakes head, and walks off, muttering to self about karma, and the 18 levels of hell*...
24 April 2005
nuaster at heart
was feeling stressed the moment I woke up this morning... I woke up dreaming and thinking about work. now that is really terribly unhealthy.
terrible.
and I realised... why I am so stressed out after chatting with exotica this evening. I think it's cuz, I am putting too much pressure on myself. before you go "duhhhh...." let me explain.
You see, most of my life (with the exception of certain high stress level periods, generally related to mega milestones like O, A, exams, etc) I am a nuaster. For those who don't get it, Nua-ster comes from the hokkien term "nua(4)". it can be used to describe someone without backbone, cannot stand straight, do things slowly... someone who doesn't really care much about anything.
I am that. a Nuaster (tm grouch)
So, for the first time in my life, I am stressed to perform better and beyond constantly. My previous jobs were all handellable (in case you're also wondering, there is no such word, I made it up). I put in mebbe 60% of energy, and it's more than good enough. Most of the things in life, are like that to me. Don't need to give 100% and I can still get the job done.
BUT... somehow, due to the increased competition in the company perhaps, or perceived competition for that matter, I realise that I am constantly striving to outdo myself at every turn, every minute. The learning curve is so steep, that I have to be constantly on the go, to keep up.
That is very tiring for me, and it's been 4 months... for 4 months, I have been working my butt and brains off. It used to be a piece of cake for me to draw the line between work, and non-work. I finish the tasks that I set out to do, and I enjoy myself at nights or weekends. Cannot finish, work a bit extra here and there... no stress, everything can be done in due time before deadlines. Just be constant.
then, now... I have work taking up all my waking time, and now it has invaded even into sleeping time. I think I have to remind myself, that I am a "nuaster". the reason why I have done well in life, is cuz, I know how to take it easy. Work comes and work goes, do the work, exceed expectations if possible, but hey, work is but one part of life, there are many other areas... like play, sleep, rest, play... you get the gist.
I will not worry about work. I can stay back later on days without lessons, and work on them. I am capable, I am smart, I will get used to the pressure, and then, it will be even easier. Wahahaa... see? Eureka!
Nua-ster on a saturday night, peace out.
terrible.
and I realised... why I am so stressed out after chatting with exotica this evening. I think it's cuz, I am putting too much pressure on myself. before you go "duhhhh...." let me explain.
You see, most of my life (with the exception of certain high stress level periods, generally related to mega milestones like O, A, exams, etc) I am a nuaster. For those who don't get it, Nua-ster comes from the hokkien term "nua(4)". it can be used to describe someone without backbone, cannot stand straight, do things slowly... someone who doesn't really care much about anything.
I am that. a Nuaster (tm grouch)
So, for the first time in my life, I am stressed to perform better and beyond constantly. My previous jobs were all handellable (in case you're also wondering, there is no such word, I made it up). I put in mebbe 60% of energy, and it's more than good enough. Most of the things in life, are like that to me. Don't need to give 100% and I can still get the job done.
BUT... somehow, due to the increased competition in the company perhaps, or perceived competition for that matter, I realise that I am constantly striving to outdo myself at every turn, every minute. The learning curve is so steep, that I have to be constantly on the go, to keep up.
That is very tiring for me, and it's been 4 months... for 4 months, I have been working my butt and brains off. It used to be a piece of cake for me to draw the line between work, and non-work. I finish the tasks that I set out to do, and I enjoy myself at nights or weekends. Cannot finish, work a bit extra here and there... no stress, everything can be done in due time before deadlines. Just be constant.
then, now... I have work taking up all my waking time, and now it has invaded even into sleeping time. I think I have to remind myself, that I am a "nuaster". the reason why I have done well in life, is cuz, I know how to take it easy. Work comes and work goes, do the work, exceed expectations if possible, but hey, work is but one part of life, there are many other areas... like play, sleep, rest, play... you get the gist.
I will not worry about work. I can stay back later on days without lessons, and work on them. I am capable, I am smart, I will get used to the pressure, and then, it will be even easier. Wahahaa... see? Eureka!
Nua-ster on a saturday night, peace out.
20 April 2005
"nua-ing"
sigh. *it's a happy sigh, btw*
so happy
reached home at about 630, by the way, in theory, I knock off at 530. so already "OTed" a bit.
I am sitting here, writing a blog. listening to some mp3s. just had dinner and a shower. fed the dogs and cat... they were all following me around the house, even when I am sitting at the living room, they come and sit in front of me, with mournful looking eyes... bish! I always reach home late, so I am not the one who normally feeds them, at least not on weekdays.. how come they still come and find me... shd be my mum, who was just in the other couch. Bish... by the time i stood up to prepare their dinner, i decided to stop watching the korean vcd... halfway... go shower. got a lot of reading to do for class tmr, and for work.
wait ah.. i sense a gastric attack coming up. hahaha.. coming home does not mean less work, it just means, I work in a less stressful environment, where I can lie on my bed to read. Hopefully something gets absorbed.
Long blog? You bet! I am sooo "free" all things considered.
so happy that I can blog on forever. Tonight I promise to sleep early. Today I was so tired at work, that I felt like I was going to die, yes, when I am very tired, it's reflected on my face. When I am very tired, even breathing becomes difficult... and takes a lot out of me. My brain will just stop working. I wonder if it's the case for everyone?
I was telling Becks when I met her for dinner the other day, that I believe that I am a "give all" kinda person. so when I am tired, it strikes me suddenly, then I am incapitated, cannot do anything anymore. Tired means tired. Cannot be helped.
I wonder when I will stop feeling so drained, I am like 4 months into my current job... already quite tired, I think it would help if I was not taking a course, then I can work late, but I have time to rest on less busy days. But now I really plan my days very tightly... on days that I don't go for lessons, I have to stay back and clear work.
Silly consultant just mailed me for more stuff... damn.. sigh... I shdn't have checked my work mail... just stressing myself out for nothing. Pretend that I didn't read it... will respond to it tmr.
I shall luxuriate in this feeling... of being able to rest tonight... welcomed break. good break. tmr thursday... then friday... can I start celebrating Friday already? that and the upcoming PH, long weekend.. YEAH!!!!
so happy
reached home at about 630, by the way, in theory, I knock off at 530. so already "OTed" a bit.
I am sitting here, writing a blog. listening to some mp3s. just had dinner and a shower. fed the dogs and cat... they were all following me around the house, even when I am sitting at the living room, they come and sit in front of me, with mournful looking eyes... bish! I always reach home late, so I am not the one who normally feeds them, at least not on weekdays.. how come they still come and find me... shd be my mum, who was just in the other couch. Bish... by the time i stood up to prepare their dinner, i decided to stop watching the korean vcd... halfway... go shower. got a lot of reading to do for class tmr, and for work.
wait ah.. i sense a gastric attack coming up. hahaha.. coming home does not mean less work, it just means, I work in a less stressful environment, where I can lie on my bed to read. Hopefully something gets absorbed.
Long blog? You bet! I am sooo "free" all things considered.
so happy that I can blog on forever. Tonight I promise to sleep early. Today I was so tired at work, that I felt like I was going to die, yes, when I am very tired, it's reflected on my face. When I am very tired, even breathing becomes difficult... and takes a lot out of me. My brain will just stop working. I wonder if it's the case for everyone?
I was telling Becks when I met her for dinner the other day, that I believe that I am a "give all" kinda person. so when I am tired, it strikes me suddenly, then I am incapitated, cannot do anything anymore. Tired means tired. Cannot be helped.
I wonder when I will stop feeling so drained, I am like 4 months into my current job... already quite tired, I think it would help if I was not taking a course, then I can work late, but I have time to rest on less busy days. But now I really plan my days very tightly... on days that I don't go for lessons, I have to stay back and clear work.
Silly consultant just mailed me for more stuff... damn.. sigh... I shdn't have checked my work mail... just stressing myself out for nothing. Pretend that I didn't read it... will respond to it tmr.
I shall luxuriate in this feeling... of being able to rest tonight... welcomed break. good break. tmr thursday... then friday... can I start celebrating Friday already? that and the upcoming PH, long weekend.. YEAH!!!!
Life's one big juggling act
Don't you agree?
We all take on various roles in life.
1) Daughter - must be fillial, help provide for the family, stay home on Sundays, show face, help mum, etc
2) Sister - Must be support for siblings, just as they're a support for you
3) Friend - Must be around for friends, vice versa|
4) Colleague - Be a good colleague to others, you scratch my back, I scratch your back
5) Employee - be of a benefit to company
6) Worker - be of benefit to boss
7) Student - be a good team mate, be a good student, think hard, work hard
wah.. that is just the BIG roles leh, we're not talking about the various roles we play within these main roles.
Juggling act... even at work, I swop jobs that I am working on... it's taking multitask to a new level, it's beyond that, I term it "Multi Role"... multitask while being multirole.
wahahah.. cool description? Quite fun lah. when my energy level is high enough. Not so fun when I am like in zoned out mode... like now.
I think of the times when I have sabo-ed my colleagues accidentally cuz I didn't give enough thought to a matter, and I feel so paiseh.
It's ok to juggle, just make sure that your brain is as fast as your reaction in juggling your acts, cuz when it isn't, it's the person who is catching the balls, and continuing the juggling act who is going to suffer, cuz then you're throwing the ball to them all wrong.
Ok, that's taking the analogy a bit too far...
We all take on various roles in life.
1) Daughter - must be fillial, help provide for the family, stay home on Sundays, show face, help mum, etc
2) Sister - Must be support for siblings, just as they're a support for you
3) Friend - Must be around for friends, vice versa|
4) Colleague - Be a good colleague to others, you scratch my back, I scratch your back
5) Employee - be of a benefit to company
6) Worker - be of benefit to boss
7) Student - be a good team mate, be a good student, think hard, work hard
wah.. that is just the BIG roles leh, we're not talking about the various roles we play within these main roles.
Juggling act... even at work, I swop jobs that I am working on... it's taking multitask to a new level, it's beyond that, I term it "Multi Role"... multitask while being multirole.
wahahah.. cool description? Quite fun lah. when my energy level is high enough. Not so fun when I am like in zoned out mode... like now.
I think of the times when I have sabo-ed my colleagues accidentally cuz I didn't give enough thought to a matter, and I feel so paiseh.
It's ok to juggle, just make sure that your brain is as fast as your reaction in juggling your acts, cuz when it isn't, it's the person who is catching the balls, and continuing the juggling act who is going to suffer, cuz then you're throwing the ball to them all wrong.
Ok, that's taking the analogy a bit too far...
18 April 2005
Hey life... gimme a break.
beezee as a bee...
i know... i already anticpated it. But when I have to go into office at 730am, just to try and clear work, cuz I am so tied up... bish... I feel exhausted just thinking about it.
Doesn't help that my module's lecturer seems like crap, and the module seems like shit. But I am "forced" to take it, cuz I am short of modules. Things are not turning out well for this stupid course.
I sign up for this courses, and it's like shit.
I get a call this afternoon, and the adminstrator informs me that the online course that I signed up for the upcoming July semester has been cancelled. I now need to go and sign up for another module during the add/drop period. tamade...
and the 2nd module that I signed up for in the upcoming July Semester, they're considering packing it into a 4 day course, 4 full days, which means I will have to take leave. Not that I mind the leave, (since finally I am in a company that has more leave), but it's during a critical milestone period, where I have 3 projects that are in the delivery/handover stages. How can I go on leave during that period? Gosh...
anyway... not going to bother my brain about this. Will worry about this closer to time, i.e. just let me get past this crap upcoming course first. the people in the course are WEIRD... WEIRD AH!!!!
have to see lah, even the project group that we have formed, seemed weird. hahaha.. die liao lah. we will just have to see how.
and it costs me $22!!!! to get from my work place to school! But i have no other option!!! TAMADE!! I end at 530, and the course starts at 6, I have to travel from east to west. I want to cry liao... tamade, seebeh expensive. I feel broke. And I am still trying to save for my course fees that are due in July. sighzz.. life is playing around with me.
Hey life, gimme a break...
i know... i already anticpated it. But when I have to go into office at 730am, just to try and clear work, cuz I am so tied up... bish... I feel exhausted just thinking about it.
Doesn't help that my module's lecturer seems like crap, and the module seems like shit. But I am "forced" to take it, cuz I am short of modules. Things are not turning out well for this stupid course.
I sign up for this courses, and it's like shit.
I get a call this afternoon, and the adminstrator informs me that the online course that I signed up for the upcoming July semester has been cancelled. I now need to go and sign up for another module during the add/drop period. tamade...
and the 2nd module that I signed up for in the upcoming July Semester, they're considering packing it into a 4 day course, 4 full days, which means I will have to take leave. Not that I mind the leave, (since finally I am in a company that has more leave), but it's during a critical milestone period, where I have 3 projects that are in the delivery/handover stages. How can I go on leave during that period? Gosh...
anyway... not going to bother my brain about this. Will worry about this closer to time, i.e. just let me get past this crap upcoming course first. the people in the course are WEIRD... WEIRD AH!!!!
have to see lah, even the project group that we have formed, seemed weird. hahaha.. die liao lah. we will just have to see how.
and it costs me $22!!!! to get from my work place to school! But i have no other option!!! TAMADE!! I end at 530, and the course starts at 6, I have to travel from east to west. I want to cry liao... tamade, seebeh expensive. I feel broke. And I am still trying to save for my course fees that are due in July. sighzz.. life is playing around with me.
Hey life, gimme a break...
14 April 2005
allow me to brag...
wahaha... look at what i got for my personal paper? the one which i rushed out in one day... it only counts for 20% of the final grade.. but still...
Criteria | Poor 0-19 percent
| Adequate 20-22 percent
| Exemplary 23-25 percent
| Comments
|
Content
| It was unclear as to how the content related to the overall field of project management.
| The content was generally relevant, but was somewhat unclear or confusing at times.
| The content was clear and useful. The writer gave a convincing justification as to how the content is relevant. The writer had a strong grasp of the material.
| 25 points – appropriate to project management
|
Organization
| The paper was poorly organized. It was hard to follow the ideas of the writer.
| The paper followed a logical sequence. Readers had a good grasp of how the topics fit together.
| The writer’s organization was obvious, well managed, and logically sequenced. A strong conclusion was provided.
| 25 points – organization is a major factor in the success of the paper… the paper is logically organized, and the sections are introduced at the beginning.
|
Critical analysis
| It is apparent that the writer did little more than rewrite other people’s ideas.
| The writer was able to reflect on the content as to how it relates to the field of project management. Points of agreement, disagreement, and usefulness were detailed.
| The writer’s introspection of the content, with his or her own life, career goals, and field of project management, demonstrated a deep level of content acquisition.
| 21 points - I like the way you described individual components in the section, “Communication with Project Team” – following this approach would be nice for each section – provides a better idea of the strategy you have in mind.
|
Writing ability
| The writing ability of the author is suspect. Numerous grammatical errors were present. The report did not follow the rules of technical writing.
| Although most of the report was well written, a few grammar and technical writing errors were present.
| The report was clear and concise. Technical writing rules were followed.
| 25 points – very well written.
|
| Total
|
|
|
| 96 points An excellent paper.
|
ahem...
i feel damn bloody smart now. haha.. wait ah.. me go probe around and ask what my other groupmates got. if they all got full marks, then I shall go dig a hole, and bury myself. but then .. for one night's effort.. heck lah... i think i did well. gives self a pat on the back...
ok.. i didn't do the work I'd brought home to do... therefore, I shall.. go to bed. tmr is another day....
13 April 2005
Attack of the Red Monster
PMS... again... sorry if you're uncomfortable with this topic...
Sigh.... seebeh sian... when the red monster attacks, my morale drops, I feel weak, I feel lethargic, and I feel damn depressed.
Simple trip to boss's room, amendments to be made, etc. can make me feel damn low morale and down, when it is normal for boss's to change your piece of work. and admittedly, they're legitimate changes. When the red monster attacks, I feel like crying when I come out of her room. Just feel so depressed, as if I am doing everything wrong, but actually, I know that it's not all that bad, maybe I could have done a better job, but nothing life threatening.
BUT... that is the problem of the red monster. It doesn't matter that my brain is thinking logically, it's my emotions that are feeling lousy. I know I have nothing to feel lousy about, but my day just starts out lousy. I must try to perk myself up. Mebbe the 2 primrose oil pills I took this morning will help.
Sigh.... seebeh sian... when the red monster attacks, my morale drops, I feel weak, I feel lethargic, and I feel damn depressed.
Simple trip to boss's room, amendments to be made, etc. can make me feel damn low morale and down, when it is normal for boss's to change your piece of work. and admittedly, they're legitimate changes. When the red monster attacks, I feel like crying when I come out of her room. Just feel so depressed, as if I am doing everything wrong, but actually, I know that it's not all that bad, maybe I could have done a better job, but nothing life threatening.
BUT... that is the problem of the red monster. It doesn't matter that my brain is thinking logically, it's my emotions that are feeling lousy. I know I have nothing to feel lousy about, but my day just starts out lousy. I must try to perk myself up. Mebbe the 2 primrose oil pills I took this morning will help.
12 April 2005
What would you do? If you were in my shoes?
I like to ask myself this question. Which is essentially, to put myself in the shoes of others, view things from their point of view, and then you will realise why the person is behaving the way he/she is. You may not like it, but at least, you will understand it.
Eg. X is in love with this superstar. X has connections that links to this superstar. X does on occassion, chat on msn with this superstar. X's friend tells X that the superstar likes her, and that he even wrote the new single he had out for her. X cannot believe it... she's ecstatic and in denial at the same time. She has a date I think with him, and she's flying to go meet him.
As I listened to X's story, my initial reaction, was probably disbelief. How can X, a normal girl (sorry lah, but really normal in everything, not bad, but not head turning), have garnered the attention of a superstar? Especially since they have only chatted a bit on msn, I was grilling her about it, and then some. Nothing v suspicious there.
Now, I was convinved it was a prank by X's friend, and that X is being delirious.
Then I asked myself... why not? She's single, just recovering from ending a long term relationship, she has a fledging business that is doing quite well, no family committment, why can't she fly off and just meet the man of her dreams? Does it matter if the song was not really written for her? Does it matter if she gets her heart broken? She went and followed her heart. I mean, we're talking meeting the man of your dreams!
[This is something that only happens in drama, feel like writing a script for it.. AND!! whoever is reading this blog, this storyline has just been copyrighted by ME! Cannot use the same story, or else I will sue u! I have lawyer friends (wags finger menacingly)... ]
I asked myself, would I dare fly off like this? Actually, the anwer is No. No, because, I have more committments than her, less courage, and ok, a lot less courage. It take courage, REAL courage, to fly off and meet someone like that, I mean
1) he's a superstar, how're you to know if he's really the person he portrays himself to be
2) what if it was really one big bad joke, can you take the blow?
I admire her guts, her forthrightness in admitting that yes, she likes him, and wants to meet him. I mean, how many girls can do that? Anyway, the answer to whether it's a fairytale, or a joke gone bad, will only be answered AFTER she flies off and back.
We'll see... wouldn't mind knowing a superstar.. hahahaha
11 April 2005
I was planning on jumping straight to bed, but...
there are four reasons why I am blogging instead.
1) The Apprentice
2) Migraine attack
3) Weather
4) Book I've been reading
1) The Apprentice
I realise the importance of "presentation skills". Regardless of what you do behind the scenes, to come up with the actual product, you must learn to step up and take credit for it. Ivana came up with the idea, but Jen stole the presentation and made the idea her own. Credit was given to her by the client and the boss. Now, the saving grace here is that, it's reality tv, everything's captured, so everyone knows Jen didn't get it, and didn't contribute. BUT, in reality (sheessh.. the word reality is overused here), the boss and the client WON'T know that Jen didn't do anything to contribute to the idea.
But one thing I have realised for myself is, I suck at presentations. Not to everyone, just people whom I deem to be higher ranking to me. Which is shit! Haha.. cuz I think I am a fairly clear presenter, except when it comes to crunch time, then who cares that I did the work? Who cares that I present well to others? When all the bosses and clients see is a stupid girl up there, stammering (slightly), and talking to fast the other minute? What they see is a bad employee, someone who does not have what it takes. Which brings me to point 2
2) Migraine attack
Nearing the end of watching "The Apprentice", maybe the realisation of how lacking I am in my presentation skills, and how harmful this flaw of mine is going to be, caused me to have a migraine attack. Tamade, I hate migraines.
3) Weather
On the other hand, I am also blaming my migraine on the weather. Hot and humid, feeling sticky and uncomfortable. Trying to cool down in my air-conditioned room, but still, it'll take some time. already taken 2 showers today, am I destined to have a 3rd shower?
4) Book I've been reading
Actually, it's a gift from BN. She has little notes jotted inside to help me through the process of reading it. You know why? Cuz... it's a SELF HELP book! wahahahah.. the kind that requires herds ot elephants, or a really close friend or my family to force me to, before I read them.
Actually, don't get it. I don't get it cuz I feel the points that the author's pointing out seems obvious. Big sweeping motherhood statements. I can write those. Followers respect leaders with intergrity. Work cannot get down if Leaders don't lead. But he doesn't go right down to the crunch, and state what makes a good leader. That and the fact that he frequently makes analogies to his church (btw, bn is also not a churchgo-er) and I'm sorry, that just puts me off a little. I will finish reading it, because it's a gift from a good friend. But, I think, it's not gonna help me as much as it helped her. Sorry girl, if you happen to be reading this.
Other than these four points, hahaha... I am going to continue to ramble other points.
I am a good presenter. Really I am. Watch me...
On the verge of finishing my final report for the module I took this sem, and I signed up for an intersem module, and lessons are gonna start on the 18 April, and they're twice a week. For the next 2.5 months, I am going to be MIA people. I really doubt I have any energy for gatherings and what not... one good thing that my friend pointed out, I may actually slim down from all that work and rushing around. hahaha
And then I have another 2 modules in the upcoming 2nd sem, and then, just one more sem for a critical module in 2006, and ladies and gentleman, I am going to be FREE!!!!!
Now, I still need to work damn bloody hard and improve myself constantly, to make sure I get confirmed after probation, and hopefully, get a slight raise and promotion after confirmation, fingers crossed. Haha.. jumping ahead of myself again. Hahahhaa...
ok.. my headache has improved slightly, so it could be the weather, my body has somewhat cooled down, but i think i will just have a quick cold shower, and pop two panadols, then can jump into bed. This weekend, has been relaxing for me. Nothing really urgent at work so the weekends were free from work. My final report was largely done on Saturday morning, during my project group meeting, I love this bunch of people! They're damn good... all responsible, responsive, and I wish I can work with them for all my projects. Not including that stupid personal report that I'd written, I would have been really confident of ace-ing this module.
Weird, just received an sms from an old uni friend, asking me to attend his wedding. We'll see, I absolutely refuse to attend it if I am going to be the only person who knows me. I am sorry, I am a social animal, I cannot attend weddings without knowing that someone I know is also going. Groom not included.. hahaha
okokok... enough crap. shower, panadol, bed, in that order!
10 April 2005
TOP TEN KOREAN DRAMA FORMULA
To make up for the fact that I posted a crap blog just now...
Here ya go...
TOP TEN KOREAN DRAMA FORMULA
1) Childhood sweethearts/met as students
2) Girl will have two person chasing after her. (all rich, or least one rich, and at least one who is childhood sweetheart/or like brother figure)
3) Someone must get banged by a car somewhere
4) Someone must get some form of sickness (leukamia, cancer, etc)
5) There will be a evil female who hankers after one of the 2 guys chasing after the female lead
6) They will always have a sappy love song so that we all fall in love with it
7) They are always very busy being happy/sad about the relationship, so no time to work
8) The girl must cry every chance she has
9) They must always get engaged before getting married. (cannot just get married straight away)
10) They always use the same props, even the same big house.
Here ya go...
TOP TEN KOREAN DRAMA FORMULA
1) Childhood sweethearts/met as students
2) Girl will have two person chasing after her. (all rich, or least one rich, and at least one who is childhood sweetheart/or like brother figure)
3) Someone must get banged by a car somewhere
4) Someone must get some form of sickness (leukamia, cancer, etc)
5) There will be a evil female who hankers after one of the 2 guys chasing after the female lead
6) They will always have a sappy love song so that we all fall in love with it
7) They are always very busy being happy/sad about the relationship, so no time to work
8) The girl must cry every chance she has
9) They must always get engaged before getting married. (cannot just get married straight away)
10) They always use the same props, even the same big house.
08 April 2005
I am in pain... (-.-||)
Severe, excruciating pain...
from this stupid pair of heeled shoes that I bought.. and it's not just any chapalang pair ok? It's Scholl... and it costs me $86.90!! Not cheap...
But... Wahh... I wanna cry... I am in great pain, from walking out to the bus stop near my home, and from the bus stop that I alight at, I still need to climb up a slope to get to my work place, a good ten minutes walk. And... arriving in office, I can feel my heart pumping damn fast, every step I take, my heart seems to take an extra leap. Even now, my heart seems to be in overdrive mode...
PAIN ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
why? oh why? were my pumps, not good enough for office wear? Why, oh why are only heels considered formal? Especially when they cause such pain? I should have listened to my friend, I should have brought an extra pair of shoes... I tot the advice to bring plaster was good enough, the advice to bring an extra pair of shoes seemed somewhat overboard...
now that I am sitted at my desk, I realise that, I should have listened. The thought of putting my abused, blistered feet inside my shoes, already causes me pain...
the good thing is, I am only blistering around my baby toe area, and not my heels, which are not chafed, surprisingly... but still.. my baby toes are very very pissed off with me now, for putting them through such pain...
oh pain, oh pain, please go away...
05 April 2005
Digging my own grave
damn damn damn... remember I mentioned about that cute vendor that I liked? he was around today... and all my colleagues were poking fun at me... felt so paiseh and embarrassed... want to dig a hole in the ground... SO PAISEH!!!! sheesh.. next time, I shall be smart and keep my comments to myself... all I said was, "eh, that vendor's quite cute"... and "yah yah.. my darling right?" at some comment that my colleagues made, and now, everyone's poking fun at me. my grave shall say "here lies the girl who decided to dig her own grave" in fact, you can say "here lies the stupid girl, who was stupid enough to dig her own grave" nvm.. this will all die down.. all I need is to get past today.
04 April 2005
Korean Drama - Lovers In Paris
DO NOT BE AMAZED
....wahaha.... Borrowed the series from BN on Friday. Got home about 1030... I have finished watching it!! the korean show. FAST right? I wanted to watch "slower" but my mum ah.. more on than me. keep chionging.. until i was chasing to catch up with her. and we finished it last night. wahaha... super cannot make it!wahaha.. the freaking show has 28 discs of 45 mins! I just spent 1260 mins = 21 hours... of my weekend watching the show. Shiok ah.. but super tired this weekend...
My other siblings say I have "drugged" my mum... wahaha... cuz my mum doesn't watch tv.. much. And when I tell my mum, let's take a break, cuz I know, she's no longer young and need the rest, she doesn't want to! haha... and I actually fell asleep before her. she was at one point of time, due to my falling asleep.. 1.5 discs ahead of me! Unbelievable...
....wahaha.... Borrowed the series from BN on Friday. Got home about 1030... I have finished watching it!! the korean show. FAST right? I wanted to watch "slower" but my mum ah.. more on than me. keep chionging.. until i was chasing to catch up with her. and we finished it last night. wahaha... super cannot make it!wahaha.. the freaking show has 28 discs of 45 mins! I just spent 1260 mins = 21 hours... of my weekend watching the show. Shiok ah.. but super tired this weekend...
My other siblings say I have "drugged" my mum... wahaha... cuz my mum doesn't watch tv.. much. And when I tell my mum, let's take a break, cuz I know, she's no longer young and need the rest, she doesn't want to! haha... and I actually fell asleep before her. she was at one point of time, due to my falling asleep.. 1.5 discs ahead of me! Unbelievable...
01 April 2005
You know it's friday when...
You know it's Friday when...
1) You are happy while going to work.
2) You start doing mundane and routine work, cuz you're unable to focus on the more important areas of your work.
3) You start staring at you PC, thinking about your plans for this evening, and happily arranging with your friends on where to eat, when to meet, what to do.
4) Even when someone just stabbed you in the back, you're still happy.
5) Start staring at the piece of paper with discounts that being an airline staff, you are entitled too, and start dreaming about trips to the places stated.
Did you know... based on point (5)... it costs me only $40 (not including taxes) to fly to KL? And for those who know me, my airline is not bad one. (and remember, dun reveal the airline's name under the comments section. I am not ready to look for a new job yet) It costs me only $240 to go to Narita, Japan. 220 to go Taipei... can you believe it? I am too busy, too broke (even with this ridiculous subsidy) to go anywhere!!! Even flying on a straight flight to LA only costs me $400... not that I would go there, since I am anti-Americans.
anyway.. Friday mood... so I keep staring at the printout I have, and constantly evaluating where I can go.. hahaha.. and what's the cost... and how I can try to squeeze out the funds for it. ==== ahh... tonight meeting up with a good buddy... and I had a sinfully delicious and guilt laden lunch. Cuz I am bad at sticking to diets on friday. My mood is too good to be marred by having to consume "soupy" products. Anyway, since I am in a Friday-ish sorta mood... here's a breakdown of what's been plagueing me this week. I am helping to organize a dept trip - 2 nights and a dinner at some regional area. And the admin staff were giving me a massive headache. It is only partially subsidised,and they say the hotel we selected is too expensive. For 3 nites, the amount differs by $80 for this other hotel that they have decided to book for. And I reiterate... $80 for THREE nites, it's not a saving of $80 per night, it's a saving of $80 for all 3 nites. They say they can go shopping with that amount.
Which is true la.. BUT...BUT it is a DEPARTMENT OUTING! how can we be staying in different hotels? Sigh... then my boss asked me to negotiate with them. Now they all hate me, cuz they think I am trying to make things difficult for them. Of course, now you're thinking, we should compromise right? We could have, except the big boss and boss are coming along.
So we cannot really compromise on standards. and c'mon, they backside itchy, for this trip, the initial value they need to fork out is only around $200. as breakfast for 2 days, and one dinner is already provided for and we are offering to subsidise the airfare for up to a $100. But
1) They asked their spouse along. so obviously the subsidy does not extend to spouses, so they claim that it's too ex.
2) Another one says that she is a light sleeper, and cannot share a room with anyone, that is her problem and so for the extra payment for single room, she too claims that it's too ex.
3) They extended their stay by one night, the subsidy only covers for 2 nights, so once again, they say it's too expensive.
IN SUMMARY, they were asking for it! Instead of a normal $200 trip, where you get to stay in a 4* hotel for free... Budget $100 for the airfare, and $100 for shopping and the remaining meals (which are only 2 lunches and one dinner). It really won't cost so much. arghh.. >.< but... since it's friday, and since I have already gotten over being upset at this matter, I am fine. I heck care.
And it felt good when, another senior staff said to me during lunch, "This is the first time I am bothering to go on a dept trip. and I am going only because you are the one organising it." see? appreciation goes a long long way. :D I feel better already...
1) You are happy while going to work.
2) You start doing mundane and routine work, cuz you're unable to focus on the more important areas of your work.
3) You start staring at you PC, thinking about your plans for this evening, and happily arranging with your friends on where to eat, when to meet, what to do.
4) Even when someone just stabbed you in the back, you're still happy.
5) Start staring at the piece of paper with discounts that being an airline staff, you are entitled too, and start dreaming about trips to the places stated.
Did you know... based on point (5)... it costs me only $40 (not including taxes) to fly to KL? And for those who know me, my airline is not bad one. (and remember, dun reveal the airline's name under the comments section. I am not ready to look for a new job yet) It costs me only $240 to go to Narita, Japan. 220 to go Taipei... can you believe it? I am too busy, too broke (even with this ridiculous subsidy) to go anywhere!!! Even flying on a straight flight to LA only costs me $400... not that I would go there, since I am anti-Americans.
anyway.. Friday mood... so I keep staring at the printout I have, and constantly evaluating where I can go.. hahaha.. and what's the cost... and how I can try to squeeze out the funds for it. ==== ahh... tonight meeting up with a good buddy... and I had a sinfully delicious and guilt laden lunch. Cuz I am bad at sticking to diets on friday. My mood is too good to be marred by having to consume "soupy" products. Anyway, since I am in a Friday-ish sorta mood... here's a breakdown of what's been plagueing me this week. I am helping to organize a dept trip - 2 nights and a dinner at some regional area. And the admin staff were giving me a massive headache. It is only partially subsidised,and they say the hotel we selected is too expensive. For 3 nites, the amount differs by $80 for this other hotel that they have decided to book for. And I reiterate... $80 for THREE nites, it's not a saving of $80 per night, it's a saving of $80 for all 3 nites. They say they can go shopping with that amount.
Which is true la.. BUT...BUT it is a DEPARTMENT OUTING! how can we be staying in different hotels? Sigh... then my boss asked me to negotiate with them. Now they all hate me, cuz they think I am trying to make things difficult for them. Of course, now you're thinking, we should compromise right? We could have, except the big boss and boss are coming along.
So we cannot really compromise on standards. and c'mon, they backside itchy, for this trip, the initial value they need to fork out is only around $200. as breakfast for 2 days, and one dinner is already provided for and we are offering to subsidise the airfare for up to a $100. But
1) They asked their spouse along. so obviously the subsidy does not extend to spouses, so they claim that it's too ex.
2) Another one says that she is a light sleeper, and cannot share a room with anyone, that is her problem and so for the extra payment for single room, she too claims that it's too ex.
3) They extended their stay by one night, the subsidy only covers for 2 nights, so once again, they say it's too expensive.
IN SUMMARY, they were asking for it! Instead of a normal $200 trip, where you get to stay in a 4* hotel for free... Budget $100 for the airfare, and $100 for shopping and the remaining meals (which are only 2 lunches and one dinner). It really won't cost so much. arghh.. >.< but... since it's friday, and since I have already gotten over being upset at this matter, I am fine. I heck care.
And it felt good when, another senior staff said to me during lunch, "This is the first time I am bothering to go on a dept trip. and I am going only because you are the one organising it." see? appreciation goes a long long way. :D I feel better already...
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