kopi-o kosong

And this blog will be about... how much I love Kopi-O Kosong.

The aroma that whiffs up to my nose when I open the plastic cover of the styrofoam cup... dazzles, and it almost helps to wake me up...

and... when I take my first sip... the bitter, tangy flavour jolts me into a moment of wakefulness (note: it is only a moment), and then the warmth moves on down my throat to settle down into my rather big tummy (damn! -.-)

This warmth proceeds to spread throughout my entire being.... one sip is not enough...

I go on to take another sip, a bigger one... and the process repeats.

All too soon, the coffee runs out, and I am staring at some leftover grinded coffee seed at the bottom of my styrofoam cup.

My brain kicks into motion. Time to start work. I wonder when my next coffee rush will be.

Remember: only Kopi-O and only kosong. No other will do...

Mail to BN

are you still v busy? I am sure you're... so sian... zzz.... wanna sleep.. and it's only 1015am.. time is trudging by rather slowly today... zzz.... even though I'm quite busy.. but still... quite sleepy... and bored... what's wrong with me? been feeling fat and lethargic of late. Could it be... PMS? god forbid that be the reason... so what's happening for things over at your end? Yesterday I met up with TallMan, Cockster and LaoLang for supper, or rather, just a drink, cuz it was too early for supper, and we were all not hungry... miss these guys... I wonder why we all drifted so far apart, their lives are like, so far away from mine. Mebbe this meeting will be the start of more sessions, then we can all be pretty close once again. But then again, I have a feeling their's an all guy group, prob this is just an one off session. ============================================================================================ Friends from Uni hall, you can't keep in touch with them all, but yet, you once stayed together, did everything together. But upon graduation, the few half-hearted attempts to meet up dies.. and everything just becomes a mess. And one major factor is... geographical location... they used to all stay in the west, but now, I think ... they've shifted to the east. wahaha... mebbe we can all meet up afterall. Or.. mebbe not.. I will just trudge on in my weary life, alone, as always... I feel the gravity of it all...

New layout?

What do you think? But then hor... I cannot change back to what it was... cuz I totally cannot remember settings liao.

And why all blue? It's all really simple actually, I got pissed with trying to coordinate colours. Add the fact that my company comp and connection speed is pretty slow, and there you have it. Irritated me = all blue. wahaha... Although I would love to say that this reflects me, blah blah.. and blue = grouchy, etc, but nope, all not true.

Mebbe when I am bloody free, I will try to change something. And for that black divider between the header and body, bopian, I cannot find the link to change the colour for that, and so... it shall remain.

Finally... a couple of mins free...

I was quite happy when I realised that I'd reached a concluding point for adhoc items to be done today. And that I have a couple of mins to come in and blog, (Yes, I look upon blogging as my break away from work, akin to a luxury item) and then i realised... it's freaking 420pm! I only have an hour left.

The day just flew past, amidst all these small little things that I've been doing all morning. Heck care, no time then stay back ah... hahaha.. what's new? If it's time to blog, it's time to blog. wahahaha

I have been thinking...
- Do you think my blog's layout is boring? I've been bloghopping of late, and I think everyone has nice looking blogs, that look all artistic and cool.. while mine is... ah well, you can see ah.. black, blue... off-white fonts, that's about it. But I refuse to upgrade.. cuz that means I have to pay for it... wahh... >.<

[note: Had to walk off to settle another small thing. hahaha.. and now, it's 445pm! hahaa... ALAMAK!!!]

- I was also thinking about stuff like... do you think a person's intelligence can be determined by how intelligent he/she looks? Met a real intelligent intern today... looks intelligent, and asked intelligent questions. Is it linked?

- and... I can't really remember now wat other points I wanted to make. small brain theory at work again. wahaha.

blah blah blah... I seem to be losing inspiration when it come to blogging of late. No crap to spew, no grouses to whine about (ok, I am lying about that part, but hey, I am trying my very best to not be so negative...)

Mebbe I will just lay off blogging for a while. Till my muse returns. She's sick lah, gotta bring her to the vet soon.

Finally... a couple of mins free...

I was quite happy when I realised that I'd reached a concluding point for adhoc items to be done today. And that I have a couple of mins to come in and blog, (Yes, I look upon blogging as my break away from work, akin to a luxury item) and then i realised... it's freaking 420pm! I only have an hour left.

The day just flew past, amidst all these small little things that I've been doing all morning. Heck care, no time then stay back ah... hahaha.. what's new? If it's time to blog, it's time to blog. wahahaha

I have been thinking...
- Do you think my blog's layout is boring? I've been bloghopping of late, and I think everyone has nice looking blogs, that look all artistic and cool.. while mine is... ah well, you can see ah.. black, blue... off-white fonts, that's about it. But I refuse to upgrade.. cuz that means I have to pay for it... wahh... >.<

[note: Had to walk off to settle another small thing. hahaha.. and now, it's 445pm! hahaa... ALAMAK!!!]

- I was also thinking about stuff like... do you think a person's intelligence can be determined by how intelligent he/she looks? Met a real intelligent intern today... looks intelligent, and asked intelligent questions. Is it linked?

- and... I can't really remember now wat other points I wanted to make. small brain theory at work again. wahaha.

blah blah blah... I seem to be losing inspiration when it come to blogging of late. No crap to spew, no grouses to whine about (ok, I am lying about that part, but hey, I am trying my very best to not be so negative...)

Mebbe I will just lay off blogging for a while. Till my muse returns. She's sick lah, gotta bring her to the vet soon.

epidemic over...

epidemic over... nurses please step down.

It's not over, over. More like, "Guess what? I don't give a flying fuck!"

hahahaha.. I feel all powerful again.

what do I have to blog? Nothing much yet. Busy morning... mebbe another entry later today.

when fear turns to anger

when fear turns to anger, it essentially means, I am seriously pissed off.

Pissed that I was subjected to such fear, and pissed that I was even fearful in the first place, and of course, I'm also pissed at those assholes who started this whole fucking saga.

Saga of course, only to me, cuz the rest of my colleagues were, 1) unconcerned, it's none of their fucking business anyway, and/or 2) delighted, waiting to see me fall flat on my face, and/or 3) bochup, cuz they're used to such incidences, so they see no necessity in my getting upset about it.

I realise that I have to act very "geng" in front of them, cannot show fear, fustration or irritation. They pick up these things and gossip about it, or store it into their factfile about me, to be brought out for use at a later stage.

Anyway.. the group of people who scared the living shits out of me, and made me so fustrated that I wanted to cry.. were lower beings. They of the sheep syndrome. Sigh. I fucking hate them. And it all started when I was just doing things that were part of my job. I was trying to help them! those assholes.

Why the hell am I cursing and swearing but not telling the story, cuz I can't. well, not can't, but I dun know how to tell the story without letting out which company I am in, etc. Sigh...

Sheep syndrome = when a person loses the ability to think logically and rationally, and resorts to following what the rest of the sheep is doing. Nvm that the rest of them can't think logically and rationally anyway, and that they are just being general assholes without brains.

Initial D

this is like the upteemth blog on Initial D right?

Right. wahaha. but guess what? I didn't want to write any spoilers. So i've been... "ren-ning" but now... I cannot...

WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
I am totally in love with initial D again! not the movie, but the anime. and the driving scenes inside the movie, were like... straight out of the anime! So I was re-watching my anime.

As itsuki would say... "cooolll".... argh... skycloud? are you able to pry your initial d out of his hidey hole or not? I am having withdrawal symptoms. My sources only up to episode 2... so I am left... "tiao-ing" very tortuous....

I am going to go to bed now.. cuz yesterday.. stayed up too late, cuz the movie only ended about 1130... by the time i got home, and showered and nua-ed then got into bed already.. nearing 2. nvm..the whole night... i could hear car racing sounds and scenes throughout the entire night. the whole day at work today, other than a near disaster, I was thinking of getting home early so that I can watch the anime series again.

yes yes... I know... you're thinking ... grouch has gone mad again. Note: important part of sentence, AGAIN. hahaha

starts chanting... "initial d... initial d... initial d..." Takumi san.... anatawa choooo kakkkooiii desu!!! kekkon shi mashou ka??

troubling times ahead.. (tm YEN)

serious shit happening. Mebbe my moment of fustration this morning was right.

Bah... I shd have sent in my application for that job i saw online the other day. I shd have paved my escape route.

Troubling times ahead... as ms yen from the chicken wing episode blog has said before, in her blog or our mail correspondance.

Despite assurances from colleagues. I. AM. WORRIED. I really am.

Plus I'm scared, cuz it's a situation which I have never encounted before, nobody pre-warned me, not that they could have, but then, hey... I'm in trouble. Serious trouble.

People hear what they want to hear. That is sooo true.

I will update on whether I've been forced to tender or fired. Either way, I'm screwed.

morbidity at its best. end of 6th job in 3.5 years.

The beauty of movies and music

Escapism. That's what movies provide. Yesterday I felt like I'd been transported into the world of racers. I prefer the anime of course, but only three words can describe what I would say to you. "Go Watch It"

And music, has the amazing ability to sooth or agitate me. It affects my mood, I was just feeling a bit fustrated, cuz I didn't really feel like working and... suddenly, strains of "It might be you" by stephen bishop, one of my all time sappy sentimental favourites, and suddenly, everything just seemed alright. This song is soo... philosophical. It just makes you think about how, there is actually so much more to life, not the lovey dovey part lah, but in general, life's full of coincidences, and it's amazing how some people become couples or friends, cuz, hey, it's all about fate right? I mean, mebbe you don't believe in fate, then let's just call it, chance. Chance brings people together, chance creates the beauty in life.

It's a beautiful day...

beautiful cuz...
1) I went to bed with zxl's present. (that sounds kinky, stop!!!) I meant.. I went to bed happy cuz I had received the photo magazine that zxl had bought in liverpool store for me, from liverpool. Her still being there... good luck with the job!!

2) Woke up slightly later cuz I had some business to attend to at the airport, so I got slightly more sleep than normal, always cause for celebration.

3) Today's D day..and in life, there was coverage on the cast's conference, so I was reading through the details... just to get myself even more hyped up.

4) While waiting for the consultant at the airport, saw a lot of police, young girls, ok, teenaged girls, and I was wondering... "wah... some star ah"... and then... hahahaha.. woo hoo! It's the Initial D cast! Saw Kenny Bee first, him being the tallest, then I think I caught a glimpse of Shawn Yue, and mebbe Edison Chen, cuz they were shorter and huddled together chatting, so, I couldn't really see. that and the fact that (i) I'm short, (ii) police escorts surrounding them, (iii) more fans surrounding police escorts. But still... made my day. hahaha..

5) The discussion I had at the airport went well

6) Met my boss while lunching and got a lift back to office.

7) It's 330... which means only about 2 odd hours of work left. Woo hoo... and it'ss......

INITIAL D!!!

I am so hyped up, I'm almost scared to be disappointed! hahahahah...

I am such a poser...

Back in the comforts of my home, all showered, and with a sorethroat coming up...

I realised, how poser-ish my previous post was. Somebody slap me. *piak* okok! I was joking. Don't slap me.

Anyway.. back to grouch style blog, (which doesn't really make a lot of sense, since well, anything I blog should be grouch styled anyway, since, I wrote it) Tmr's D day!!!

wahahaha... D? Dooom? no no no no no... *shakers pointer finger at imaginary audience, while still attempting to type inside blog* it's D day... INITIAL D!! Tmr! work can pile up for all I care! Tmr... I am going to watch Initial D!

wahahaha... happiness... ooohhh.. the excitement... wahahaha...

Oh.. and I want to watch initial d stage 4 leh... does anyone have it? *blink blink*?? my legal way of downloading, is err... not very successful so far. I need help.

Oh oh oh... how would you determind success in life? Are you confident enough to say, "Yes, at this point of my life, I can state firmly that I believe that I am a success in life?"

Or is everyone out there grappling with life?

Someone: Do you feel that you're successful in life?
Grouch: Yes.
Someone: Are you sure?
Grouch: No.

Even an imginary question, I doubt I would be able to answer it.

Ohoh!!! topic switch! zxl has just asked me if I have received the package she sent me.. from LIVERPOOL!! wahaha.. so excited.. although I haven't received it... soo happy! oohhh... another thing to look forward to! wahahah!!!! I will now go and check my mail. hehehehehe... ^o^

Excerpt from Sng's Blog

"I've always felt that the greatest advances in learning and technology often draw on expertise completely outside the field. Jobs' speech illustrates those ideas vividly: if all you do when you study is learn what looks immediately "useful", instead of enriching yourself with knowledge from all fields and with different ways of seeing the world, then it becomes near-nigh impossible to make great leaps instead of just incremental improvements."

This quote came at the end of Sng's blog, where he talks about the importance of liberal arts. Which, is an echo of an unformed thought in my mind. Hey, he's the genius, not I. therefore, he has formed the thought, whilst mine's still "thought in process"

It's true you know, enriching life experiences, and education makes for a better person, one who sees the logic beyond that which he is studying. I used to get asked, why I took Arts in Uni, and what's the use of E-Lit and Geog. Heck, right down to the modules I took, I always selected modules out of interest, or out of necessity (cuz, well, there isn't any other modules left).

I mean I was "advised" by all to take statistics in my first year, look how far that got me. hahaha.. the only two Ds I got in Uni, and the reason why I wasn't offered my honours year. (Yes, it's the one big blemish in my academic life, that and my A level results. I'm over it. Really. Just as soon as I get something higher than that, so that I can tell myself it doesn't matter.)

Knowledge of Shakespeare, Chaucer, etc, I believe, made me a more well-rounded person. And Geog is like.. we're surrounded by the world, whether it's the physical earth or by fellow human beings. Does it really make sense not to understand anything about it? Does it not make for an interesting subject?

Sadly, this is not always the case for the mentality that most people have with regards to education. Although I laugh and say, the ability to "sian" is the most important aspect of any successful artster, you do know I'm joking right? I seriously believe that the leaps in thinking and connecting of various seemingly unrelated points is an art.

And I am wasting too much time blogging when I have tons of work left.

Pray for me. I sense a bad day at work. *Grouch's 6th sense at work again*

 

Just cuz, I'm edging close to 12 hours...

Just cuz, I'm inching closer to having been officially at work for the past 12 hours... which makes for half of my day gone... and to think that I didn't even slack THAT much today. I deserve my break in blogland.

It's quite a long time to be at work, come to think of it. But ah well.. lots to clear. Expectations are getting higher, work is piling up, and every other day, some other weird thing gets thrown into my court. Gotta hit all these tennis balls out of my court. I am only allowed ONE bounce.

Oh.. and guess what? a weird thought occured to me. Was chatting with ex colleague, and suddenly, I remembered... this western food store that I used to frequent at my err.. previous, previous job. I think I gained a lot in terms of fats and probably ate myself sick at that point of time. Imagine, I would be staying back at work, every other day back then, and I would eat that. cuz it would be the ONLY store left open. Everyday, it was fish & chips or chicken cutlet, well, cuz, by evening, that's all they were wiling to cook.

Compared to now. I have nothing for dinner cuz well, I work in nowhere land, and no food = no food. hahaha.. no buts about it. But somehow, would you believe I think it's healthier? This from the woman who senses that she's going to be getting gastric soon? Based on funny little pangs of pain from her abdomen? and who, not realising she will be staying late tonight, had only two poh piahs for lunch? (yes, I was trying to diet, so sue me)

And there's... NO DINNER AT HOME! Cuz my mom tot i would be at lessons today. ah well... there goes food. Mebbe I will dabao something close to home, on my way back. Now, let me finish this one thing and send it to my boss first. Clear work! Zou Kang!

P.s. this is not a rant. it's just errrr... a blog entry. cuz i kinda like being busy. Call me masochistic, workaholic, what have you. hahahaa

Post Edit: I reached home, on promise of SOME food, at the unholy hour of 10ish... to realise that... there was no edible food. This despite 2 phonecalls home to her royal empress dowager make sure that there was food, cuz yours truly was having a gastric attack, and I sense that her royal highness sounded v distracted over the phone, and I had a very strong feeling there's NO food at home, to reach home and realise, my 6th sense was right. It's my fault you know, I was the one who borrowed all these STUPID korean vcds home for her to watch. I had to walk out to dabao again. Stupid end to an OK day.

Just cuz, I'm edging close to 12 hours...

Just cuz, I'm inching closer to having been officially at work for the past 12 hours... which makes for half of my day gone... and to think that I didn't even slack THAT much today. I deserve my break in blogland.

It's quite a long time to be at work, come to think of it. But ah well.. lots to clear. Expectations are getting higher, work is piling up, and every other day, some other weird thing gets thrown into my court. Gotta hit all these tennis balls out of my court. I am only allowed ONE bounce.

Oh.. and guess what? a weird thought occured to me. Was chatting with ex colleague, and suddenly, I remembered... this western food store that I used to frequent at my err.. previous, previous job. I think I gained a lot in terms of fats and probably ate myself sick at that point of time. Imagine, I would be staying back at work, every other day back then, and I would eat that. cuz it would be the ONLY store left open. Everyday, it was fish & chips or chicken cutlet, well, cuz, by evening, that's all they were wiling to cook.

Compared to now. I have nothing for dinner cuz well, I work in nowhere land, and no food = no food. hahaha.. no buts about it. But somehow, would you believe I think it's healthier? This from the woman who senses that she's going to be getting gastric soon? Based on funny little pangs of pain from her abdomen? and who, not realising she will be staying late tonight, had only two poh piahs for lunch? (yes, I was trying to diet, so sue me)

And there's... NO DINNER AT HOME! Cuz my mom tot i would be at lessons today. ah well... there goes food. Mebbe I will dabao something close to home, on my way back. Now, let me finish this one thing and send it to my boss first. Clear work! Zou Kang!

P.s. this is not a rant. it's just errrr... a blog entry. cuz i kinda like being busy. Call me masochistic, workaholic, what have you. hahahaa

Post Edit: I reached home, on promise of SOME food, at the unholy hour of 10ish... to realise that... there was no edible food. This despite 2 phonecalls home to her royal empress dowager make sure that there was food, cuz yours truly was having a gastric attack, and I sense that her royal highness sounded v distracted over the phone, and I had a very strong feeling there's NO food at home, to reach home and realise, my 6th sense was right. It's my fault you know, I was the one who borrowed all these STUPID korean vcds home for her to watch. I had to walk out to dabao again. Stupid end to an OK day.

start to a busy week

the start to a busy week. There're a couple of things to cheer about even prior to the start of this week:

1) I managed to catch Star Wars, there're a lot of things that could have been better, but heck lah... watching Vader come to life... somehow, redeems it all

2) Finally got my 2nd meeting with Dad for this year, over and done with. And yes, we had to proceed to aunt's place after our father's day dinner. I have no problem with my dad. I hate his sisters. And yes, they ruined the night again for me. But was glad to see my dad, include heartache in that. If only he would shift out and live in his own apartment, I would visit him a lot more often. I hate snide remarks.

3) My break starts. :) At least till the 25th of July, no lessons. Woo hoo!

4) Pay is coming in on Tuesday. Double celebration! Wahaha...

5) Going to watch Initial D this Wed. hehehehe

6) Sat going to meet up with my Godfamily. But I just realised I have a wedding to attend... argh... will work something out.

7) Busy week at work, which I kinda like. Feel slightly more challenged. Hopefully, I dun start whining. (I know I will hahaha, but seriously, I will try not to, not on my blog anyway)

8) Have I mentioned pay is coming in?

9) Had a good relaxing weekend, perfect start to the week. It's been a long time...

10) Heck, I hate to say this, but... it's a Monday! *grins like an idiot*

shiok saturday

wahahhaa.. shiok ah. (ok, i know by hokkien terms, this is very crude)
my first weekend of freedom... what do I want to do?
Accounts: Gotta find out how much I am in debt (debt by my standards lah, eg. how much after I pay off my bills, do I have left in the bank, how much for the following month, etc.) Sian thing, but at least I'm not rushing to do it...

Bath the dog: Poor Sapphi's having some skin problem, gotta bath her using the medicated shampoo. She's been shaved by my sis again. wahaha.. she's a hairless german shepherd once agian. Whole family is pressuring me to hurry up and shower her, cuz their heart hurts to see her rashy skin. Ah well, soon, I will.

But prior to that, I need my coffee, already brewed in the machine, but gotta get off my fat ass to go and get it. that and I'm watching wolf's rain. A bit boring, now it's like a backflash to the wolves's past. but using scenes that I've already watched before, hence I decided to start blogging.

The soundtrack for this is pretty cool. Hmm.. managed to lay my hands on it, but then, i still like "gravity" most. the ending song (there's a term for this), Synco had it playing on her blog, and back then, I just felt that it was sad, but now, phoa... I can have it on repeat mode!

Oh... I was thinking of making an attempt to go gym or something too. Just cuz, I've no plans for the weekend. I love weekends with NO PLANS! It means I get time for myself, to nua and to chobo. SHIOK AH!

hahaha.. until my next blog, then I will be complaining that I'm broke.

oh.. forgot to add that I'm munching on fish keropok. so sinful! waaahhhhhh......stop stop.. me go get my coffee. wahahah.. I love coffee...

Short entry...

Only in my dept, will there be four old men... (err.. average age of about 55) stand around and discuss very seriously, Where to buy... Chai Tow Kuay. Wahahahaha... i laughed till I coughed, and coughed till I almost choked. Ah well, that's my morning entertainment. They have progressed on to LKP, Lim Ko Pi, which unfortunately, I had to decline, cuz I'm rushing a report. But still.. WHAHAHAHAHA... Colleague 1: Chai Tow Kuay, can try the Bedok Interchange one... Colleague 2: No lah, if we go T2, on the way, mebbe we can buy some. Storybackground One of them going off on duty travel. tasked by local colleague based at Amritsar, to buy local food, including Nasi Lemak, Roast Duck Rice, Chai Tow Kuay, Laksa, etc. *nods nods*, i think i will crave for local food too if I'm deprived for too long.

short cuts!!

this morning started out dreary.. cuz i was not feeling well yesterday nite, and went to bed without dinner.. cuz well, I was not feeling well... so this morning, I was abit sian to get to work, which is expected.

Then... met a colleague from another dept on the bus. *chat chat...*

then, as we walked past security, we decided to explore a new walkway. WAHAHA... and it's a shortcut to a backdoor which is just next to my office! Wahahaha!!! All I need is to climb over a ledge.. (very low ledge, not a problem so long as I wear pants, my colleague did it with skirt.) So now I know! It will shave like 5 mins off my getting to office. WAHAHA... Cheap thrill I know, but still.. hahaha.. I feel ALL POWERFUL NOW!

I AM POWDERFULL!!!!

Anyway... on to less powderful stuff... shortcuts are things in life we hope for, and when one does come along, there is always this sense of dread that it could lead to no where, well, cuz it's not the normal way of doing things. It's like that guy's book, "No U-Turns in Singapore", a book I've been meaning to read, but nv got around to. Remind me to get it once I get my bonus, or would someone like to donate it/lend it to me?

Anyway... everyone, or a lot of people in my department has probably never figured out that there was this shortcut. Probably because they've 1) Never experimented with it, or 2) Did not want to take that route, cuz, well, it's not the proper way of doing things.

Both possiblities spell of a certain rigidity in their mental models. Well, not that we should always take short cuts in life, cuz there are certain things, which really shouldn't be compromised, quality issues, and so forth. But, hey, we got past security, flashing our staff pass and all, and there's no compromise on safety and security... why not eh?

The point I'm trying to make is, (damn, there's no real point in this, is there?) I FOUND A SHORTCUT, and I was trying to blog on a bigger issue based on that, only to realise that my brain is too small, or it's in a shrunken stage, since it's morning, I choose to believe in the latter, and therefore, it's once again been reduced to being a frivolous blog. I can now gain on time and calories (cuz I walk less) on my way to work. :)

:D Welcome to my world.

boredom is bad for health... and non-chinese speaking chinese ought to be shot.

Boredom is bad for health.. it really is.

I have things to do.. but, i dun feel like doing them.

I am v bad at maintaining interests in things. I am extremely interested for like 3 mins, then gone case liaoz. I lose interest. But for that 3 mins, I am very focused.

Which explains... my ability (or lack of) to:
1) Play the piano (grade 3 only ah)
2) Strum guitar (one month course)
3) Speak bad german
4) Speak equally bad Japanese, well, mebbe slightly better, cuz at least it's still fresher in my mind

I am bored, and when I'm bored, I get fustrated, and when I'm fustrated, I get irritated with the world. Even though the world has done nothing to me. I don't care, I'm still pissed.

And no.. it's not PMS, since well, we just passed that.

I am both creative and not creative.
I am both stupid and smart.
I am both idiotic and intelligent (just cuz, you know, s and s, i and i... nvm... I'm bored, remember?)

I am going to learn something today. :) Crash course on access and excel's pivot record program by bn-san tonite.

Can you explain to me why I'm so bored and sleepy at work. when I slept a total of 10pm - 7am, that's like only 9 hours? I really felt like I slept a lot.. then, mebbe not. I need to sleep more to catch up on the lost sleep from days before.

OH... I'm suddenly reminded of something I wanted to blog on.

WHY? Is it that Chinese cannot speak Chinese? or Mandarin if you're that particular. I mean, we're Chinese right? It makes sense to be able to speak if not write chinese? Badly, if you're stronger in english, but still, basic knowledge? and what's with the pseudo accents? you were born where? Singapore? Really? No joke! You sound American/British/Australian (cuz they're so mixed up they cannot even decide on which accent they wish to adopt). God forbid, you speak Singaporean English.

speaking of which, did you know that there're two types of Singaporean English?

1) The one we use with our friends, inclusive of lahs, lohs, chinese, hokkien, malay, canto and what not.
2) The one we use at work, in business, with angmohs.

Isn't that cool? How isit that nobody acknowledges this innate ability of ours? Why discriminate against Type 1? I've heard very terrible english speakers adopting pseudo accents, and that, is by far a bigger crime to me than english from Type1, at least it is part of us heartlanders.

And no heartlanders does not include those who grew up in english speaking only households, whose english is fillie farla... and very powderfool. I mean... I am disgusted that you can't speak Chinese, but hey, that's just my bloody opinion right? I mean, it's cool to fail chinese right? It's cool to speak chinese with an angmoh accent. waaayyyyy cooooolll my ass.

Why is everyone around me so busy? Why am I bored? Why do I seem less busy? Do I really have too little on my plate? Or am i just too good? (yah right...) I don't have that little things. I just don't have that many. Well, there're things I have to follow up on. But.. I'm on it, and nothing is "rushed" yet. Ah well... we'll see.

Tonight, after my crash course, if I'm not sleeping, then it's Wolf's Rain. wahahaha.

It's a disease & I'm in a bloody good mood

Disease #1 (aside: Yes, I know, I am always listing things, that's cuz, I LOVE LISTS wahahaha)
rainy morning... or rather... windy going to rain, have some droplets morning.
Alighted from the bus, time check, 8.35am (late)
Wind starts blowing, mood improves dramatically.
Starts scanning shuffle for "Kiss the Rain", can't find it. Settles for "Walking in Memphis" instead.
Time taken to walk to office, 10 mins. Time check. 8.43am (I walked real fast).
First person met, le'bitch. Comment made: "Wah.. very early" Me, ignores comment and say "today's your first day of conducting training ah. Good luck!" (she will not spoil my very good mood)

But.. what has this got to do with disease? The love of rain, and the reminder of how beautiful rain is, was spread by Synco. To synco: Oh, what a boootttiiiifooolll morning... (some song, can't remember which)

Disease #2
My colleague has kindly provided the name for my cough. It's called "Bai ri ke" the 100 day cough. Ahh.... yeah, so i can look forward to another 75 days of coughing, thereabouts. :)

Disease #3
The rash on my face has subsided... somewhat. Now I just look like, I went a bit "over" in the application of blusher on the right side of my cheek and right side of my nose. Rash rash, go away, and never come back!

Disease #4
I have the sleeping disease. I slept from like 930pm to this morning. 930 leh!! wahahaha.. i'm surprised I managed to fall asleep. I must have been really tired. But that means... for once in a long long time, I am not dead tired. It's an amazing feeling. It's a high... from finally getting enough rest. You don't realise how important it is, till you lack it.

Disease #5
Actually, I dun have a disease #5 to speak of. Is habitual lateness a disease? Hahaha.. if it is, then we can count that as being #5. Else... nope.. nothing else to report.

Trying to link access and excel together, so that I can run for statistics and breakdown. It's both really headache-ish and fun.

OH oh... how could I have forgotten to announce. I got an invitation to watch INITIAL D! whaahaha.. my friend has free tickets, and she has asked me along. next wed. I am... sooooo exciiittteed!! and tmr is star wars day. wahahahah! HIGH AH!!

fuck,,,

I... itchy pointer. and trigger happy finger.

Accidentally... reset my counter.

Fuck.

For the record...

It was 5460++ hits. I can't remember. I was thinking to myself...

in the next two days. mebbe it will hit 5500... and then i went.. eh? what a cool thing. why's the date clickable? where does it lead to, and I clicked. subsequently... I must have hit enter or something. And my hits counter has been reset.

I was looking forward to the next milestone, the 10000 hits mark. I am...

an

idiot.

In case you haven't already figured it out. I think I need sleep. But it's my turn to walk the dog. .. I shall go. Now. I hope she's wanting to "go"... else we will be strolling the night away downstairs.

and one last time, together..

fuck.

karma strikes back...

Mebbe I have been cursing my colleague (to be exact it's THAT colleague) too much, and

mebbe I have been too lazy... and too yah-yah of late, in fact, mebbe i have been complaining too much about the little things that don't really matter. like grammar errors and people who are immature, and said colleague above...

karma has struck... and it's a home run.

1) Have a cough that won't go away. Post infection cough
2) Have a rash on my face that won't go away. wanna go on mc, just cuz I think I am too ugly to face anyone. Anyway, it's also cuz I'm dead tired
3) Mild stomach upset (but that could be due to the medications and my tiredness added together)
3) Wrote an individual paper that was out of point

Well, on a positive note, there's nothing bad happening on the job. YET. But.. *touch wood*let's hope that will remain status quo.

Le'bitch has been giving me looks. wahaha.. scaryy.... kowaii... bochup *clapx2*, bohiu *clapx2*

and yes, i have just committed a sin again, cuz i was bitching about le'bitch. oops! I did it again

ah well, might as well...

le'bitch le'bitch le'bitch le'bitch le'bitch le'bitch (yes, i copied and pasted. did you really think i would type it out this many times? wahahhaa)

wahahaha.. i feel good (tadatadatadata) I knew that I would (tadatadatadata)

Blog entry at 12:01

and in case you were wondering, the mail to my lecturer went out at 12 sharp. I wonder if he will penalise cuz it's one minute late.

In my defence, i have to say, i was trying to type in the mail contents, and out of kancheongness, I closed the mail. so i had to reattach and type out mail content again. thus wasting one minute.

Heck lah.

and.. i think... i was out of point for the 2nd portion of the essay. and i doubt I managed to sian him. Let's just hope he's not in the habit of failing people. C? I hope to get a C... sigh. bad grade I know. But hopelessly lost.. and it's my fault, i was writing an essay based on the two books he had written, and I didn't even finish reading it, nor did i read it in detail, more scansion than anything.

n becks, i think, this time round, i cannot be genius, cuz this individual paper not well done. although i have a lot of faith in the group conference paper. hehehe. it will even out. I think I won't fail this module at the very least, although that's another A out into the trash bin. no hope liaoz.

ok.. i am going to bed. What's done cannot be done. what's mailed cannot be unmailed. what's out of point, cannot be salvaged too.

Pray for me. mebbe... just mebbe... i will manage to sian past him., wahahahahah.. (can u tell that i'm a hopeless optimist?) results will only be out in dec. so no point worrying about it. to bed!

minna san... oyasuminasai...

Blog Diarrhoea

I doubt I have ever blogged this many entries in a day. But.. hey.. the two from the wee hours of this morning doesn't really count, does it?

ANYWAY.

I AM DAMN BLOODY SIAN!!!!

I have been fucking staring at this bloody stupid topic that has NO EFFECT on my life, other than a bloody grade for a freaking stupid course that I'm taking cuz I think it will bring more dough to my bank, which is miserably low. So low, I have resorted to getting money from my sister to tide this month over.

And... I still have to face this bloody stupid essay. 800 more words. I know, if I set my mind to it, it will be over in half hour. I can be bloody fast when I put my mind to it. but.. guess what?

I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!!!

I don't want to do this essay that does nothing to enrich my life. All it does is enrich my lecturer and the stupid university that I'm at. Cuz, I'm freaking paying to be tortured!

I just chased my poor mom out of my room, cuz she was watching vcds in my room, and I couldn't concentrate on my paper, cuz... i wanna watch the show too! Fuck.... I'm sorry mom.

But... really... I just need to hole myself up for the next two hours, and I think this bloody stupid paper, that I forsee is going to drag my average grade down, is going to be over. It has to be over, cuz I have till 2359 to mail it to my lecturer, then send over a hardcopy to him via snail mail.

Anyway.. I REALLY DUN FEEL LIKE DOING MY ESSAY NOW. Cuz, I am freaking tired, i'm hacking away from a cough that won't go away. the doc has kindly informed me that it's a post infection cough, and will take 2 months minimum to go away, in the meantime, no aircon at night. Riiiggghhhtt.. guess what? I am still sitting here blogging in the air conditioned comfort of my room. I am in such an explosive frame of mind that I am going to explode from irritation or heat if I've to tolerate the heat and humidity. (yes, I know, I'm spoilt. I'm sorry for that too, but that is how I am, I crave for these comforts in life, when they're available). I have a freaking rash, and I'm on medication on that too. My face is now red and patchy, so I'm feelling lagi like shit.

In addition, I'm alreayd v tired... sigh.. cuz it was a busy day at work... wahh.. nobody told me that taking part time studies is so tiring. I'm glad I only have 3 modules left. 2 more semesters and I'm done for the day.

I call upon the power of universe... I HAVE THE POWER... of HEEEE MAAAAANNNNNNN....

next blog 1201... once i hand in this stupid piece of shit.

On why Arnie Rules...

My Top Ten list of why Arnie Rules.

1) He is the TERMINATOR. Forget WWF, or E, this is THE MAN!!!
2) He was Mr Universe, TWICE (diff competitions, in case you were wondering), Mr Olympia.. and on and on and on...
3) He has 3 expressions - Deadpan, Dead and Pan
4) Arnie never fights. He Krr...Crushes... with his not very long, and rather stocky fingers
5) He is made of metal, and so long as his motherboard is still intact, he lives on
6) He makes superman look like a scrawny piece of ass
7) He made famous "I'll be back" even before The Rock has lifted his scrawny, plucked eyebrow. (aside: Actually, i still like... THE... ROCCCCKKKKKK, but that is a story for another day.)
8) He was Conan the Barbarian... Conan the Destroyer... and he was Hercules... ROAAARRRRR
9) He has a grin that would scare the feathers off all the crow-nthss in the world.
10) He made the world remember how to spell: Schwarzenegger

All bow to his royal hairlessness... the terminator... *starts pumping out rock music, aka WWE*... the one... the only... ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!!!!!

and i suddenly realised...

I Am A Fucking Moron!

my paper is due tmr... 2359!

I can still do it tmr nite.

I shall go and die... and live to die another day.

Just cuz it's 1am

Congratulations Grouch, you are...


'PoiPoi' Apple Lim of verypoisonouslady.blogspot.com

You look like a stereotypical bimbo outside but its a different story inside. You're a nice, simple, proud and straightforward person who believes what you're doing is right. You don't change people, and you love them for who they are. Your primary goal in life is to be happy, next to being pretty. You have your detractors but you don't let them bring you down. You go out of your way to help others out even before they ask, and for that they love you.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

just cuz, it's 1am, and I am still working on that stupid essay, and i shdn't even be blogging, nor shd I be doing quizzes, and I have hit... 2107 words... that's just like.. another 893 words to go, and I would have attained the minimum no. of words.

Wonder about what was written? and what the topic is? I am so sian of this bloody topic, I will even post it up for you to see.

Statement One
“According to Ng (2005), a learning organization can be understood as one with a deep capacity for learning, both at the individual and the collective level, thus fuelling its transformation and leading to innovation and enterprise. How can an organization develop this deep capacity for learning? Illustrate your points with relevant examples whenever appropriate, preferably from your work place.”

Statement Two
“According to Ng (2005b), the GROW ME model of coaching can be implemented as a complete staff development system, embracing the needs of the staff appraisal and reward system. Critique this statement, illustrating your points with relevant examples whenever appropriate, preferably from your workplace.”







And this only accounts for like... 50% of my results. Minimum no. of words = 3000. I can do it. I really can. Just lemme get pass 1am. sigh. tmr got work... I am so dead. Tmr wil be caffeine overdose day.












In fact, hey.. wanna read my conference paper? It's a lot! Hmm... how do I add a link that contains the pdf? or the word doc? just so you can read it? hmm.. but obviously, me idiot, so dun know how to do it.










Currently in Gackt Mode. Just ripped his cds.. so that I can load them into my shuffle. Speaking of which, I am greedy. Now I want ipod. the real thing.. the one with iphoto, there're games in it to. And hey 30 gb of space... if including my entire mp3 collection, and assuming I bothered to rip all the albums I have, I think... I will hit only about 20gb of space. 10gb to spare! I WANTTT!!!!!








*konks on table and die, like real, if I could die now, at least it means I dun have to bother about this stupid essay now.* BAH!!!

bad english... atrocious grammar...

how do you feel when you spot a grammar or spelling error on other's msn msg?

Does it irk you?

Does it make you want to msg your friend to give them an editted version of it?

Or is it just me? Most of the time, I refrain from doing it, cuz I think it makes me a Ms Know-it-all. Besides, it's not like I am that great in the language myself. I have my fair share of errors and mistakes.

Having said that, I still feel very awkward when I see "salah" sentences. It rubs me up the wrong way. Why doesn't anyone tell them that it's wrong?

Oh wait, how about this.

Does it irk you when you see a nickname that is sooo wrong??

Like, "XX wants to be an adult from now on."

I know, XX is just writing a nick that is reflective of her life, but, for a girl who's already freaking 25?? You're way past the stage when you should have grown up some. In any case, saying you want to be one, and making a childish statement like that, just smacks of the fact that you lack maturity. Anyway, this is a small thing lah. just wondering if it irks you as much as it irks me?

Back to my essay... whhheeeeeee...........*starts foaming at mouth, chokes on foam... starts coughing... dies*

rant on sat...

I should not be at home.

I should not be watching anime...

I should not be blogging...

IN fact... I should not be chatting on msn, but hey, that's part and parcel of my life, something that I never give up, no matter how much of a hurry I am in... anyway...

I should be.. RUSHING MY FUCKING ESSAY!!! c'mon.. i have to be stronger than this. but the fact is...

I feel like popping over to 7-11, curling up in bed... and to continue watching wolf's rain. It's improving. Suddenly at episode 10, some facts start getting explained... I start seeing action.. and I'm hooked.. damn!!!

But... alas... it's not to be. But hey.. look, I have written out the framework of my paper, I have a couple of books that I've yet to read, but hey, I can still sian that they're reference material, can I not? Surely I can get it all done on a Sunday?? I mean, I am a genius right?

Wahaha... this internal monologue, I think is actually convincing to me. I shall continue tonight. Just 2 more episodes. I swear, I will stop after two more episodes. BRB.

Wolf's Rain

hmm... still watching wolf's rain. It gets a bit boring.. but still, it's not very exciting actually. it's one of those, that deals more with concept, analogies, etc. QUite deep, but superficially deep.

But as I always say, I love to watch shows with dogs, wolves, etc. I love wolves, I wish I could have a wolf. Actually, I do sorta have a wolf... if german shepherds are counted. wahahaha... have I ever posted up a picture of my baby here? Dun think so. Lemme post one now.



Ladies and Gentlemen... the love of my life. The most beautiful dog in the world. Sleeping like a pig just behind my chair at the moment. If I had a camera, I would snap a shot of her in her most typical pose.

What a boliao post. wahahahaha... i blame it on lack of inspiration. :) My muse is up for all to see.

Fixing of comments

okok... this is what I call effective communication.

the moment I log into my account, there is this little box which blogcity uses to inform me of

1) What they're doing as part of the upgrading effort

2) What fault they have acknowledge and which they are in the process of fixing. Heck, they have even committed to dates.

So anyway... in theory, comments fault shd be fixed by this afternoon. And afternoon of GMT I dun know what. :) we'll see. :D

there are days... when working is not possible

There are times when... working is just not possible. And... today, is one of those days.

Physically: My body feels like it wants to give up on me. Energy level is super low. Probably in the red-alert zone. Cuz, I think I didn't sleep well last night, and I had to wake up earlier than normal today, cuz there was a dialogue session with my division that I had to attend today. In addition, I was pretending to read through some course materials for my essay that I have to rush this weekend, and at the same time, I was watching an anime "Wolf's Rain"... wah.. I love wolves, I love dogs, when I saw a wolf shot (although he didn't die later), I almost cried! and this is just anime, ladies and gentlemen... hehehe... ok.. low energy level... but the good thing is, I think the rest of my colleagues, those that went for the dialogue session anyway, all seem to be feeling this way. Even le'bitch. but then, le'bitch seems to be in a weird mood. But I am just too tired to bother about it, so long as it doesn't affect me. Anyway, having a splitting headache, and I am wondering if I'm falling sick again, cuz I sorta sense something striking at me again... GO AWAY you evil virus!

Mentally: I just feel like throwing in the towel sometimes. I know, I am having my moment of weakness, and yes, I know, I am only 6 months into my current job. But I feel like, I have learnt enough not so good things about this company, that disheartens me already. Or mebbe it's just me today.

1) Only scholars rise really fast. I mean, I know, this is general for most govt like agencies here in SIN, but still, it's kinda disappointing to hear of it being admitted openly.

2) If you're not a scholar, then you have to be damn hardworking, damn talented, damn lucky, damn high in IQ and EQ, else forget it. Be content to just rise v slowly, and get those little annual increments, no promotions for you.

3) When I feel like such a kuching kurup (small fry), in this organization. Sometimes I am left gasping for breath, and wondering why I am doing things that I am doing, and how it relates to the organization at large. Ok, amend that. I know why I am doing the things I am doing, I have enough of a helicopter view to be able to see things like that. But to me, it's important that the organization/company that I am helping is one, where I feel like it's worth something to help. It's just today...

4) Apparently, there is this unspoken rule. Newbie's appraisal will be a grade C... cuz no one's supposed to get As... and/or that B is for people who are here longest, Bs are the average grade for most people.. As are for people who are on the way up. And much as I hate to admit it, I think I am probably just average. Mediocre. I hate mediocrity.

5) I want more exciting projects. the ones I have on hand are quite boring, i dun get to travel... I want to travel. I'm bored. It's not so much the travelling. The projects I have onhand, mebbe I am just too free. Tied up doing mundane things. I want Big Exciting Projects. Those that I get a high from doing. Where I can SEE the contribution I am making. JOB SATISFACTION. (okok... i admit, mine's not all that bad. I repeat! It's just today)

Anyway.. as you can see, this blog is obviously a damn bloody sian blog, to reflect my state of mind. I am waiting for the time when I pack up and go home.

Today, I saw an advert on jobstreet, Head, Learning and Development & Manager, Learning and Development, for some bank. I was tempted. So tempted, I thrashed my mail. Else, I would think all day about it, and wonder if I ought to give it a shot.

Obviously, it's out of sight, but not out of mind, since I am still thinking about it. I am only 6 months into my job. I have not even confirmed my job. I am in serious trouble if 6 months down, I am bored. But frankly? It's just today.

I'll be over it tomorrow. Or not. But you'll get to read about it anyhow... Lemme have the strength and patience to stay here for 2 years. Lemme add something of substance to my resume. Lemme do my work! Else I will die tmr. haha... mebbe I shdn't attempt to do my essay tonight. I shd just let my brain rest. Else, if I have "can't work" syndrome again tmr, my work is REALLY going to pile up.

I need a fix...

Bad....

KARAOKE!!!!

waaahhhhh... today i was singing... or rather humming, since one can't really sing while working... and I was thinking to myself... the last time I went singing was... last month?? hell of a long time... But i know.. i am too broke, and too busy to go singing.

Fact of the matter is, after dinner, and nua-ing for a bit, I am back here at my laptop. I rushed home, just so that I can get started on my essay soon. Well, I can rush over the weekend I know, but might as well get started now... then at least I know where I will get stuck at right? *right... i hear all of you echo-ing*

Anyway.. not only do i need a fix of going karaoke... I have been missing out on all the good movies of late!

MUST WATCH right after I get past Monday, when I hand in both essays... are

1) Star Wars episode III. Yes I know. Yes, all of you have already watched it. Yes, I am still keeping a friend waiting for me to go watch it with her. Yes, I know, I am evil. Welcome to the dark side.

2) Initial D... AFTER SO LONG! It's finally out... drift... wahahahhaa.. takahashi brothers are.... 1) Edison chen, 2) that guy that acted as liang chao wei in infernal affairs, ahh.. i remember, yu wen le (got ang moh name? I always forget his chinese name)and i'm sure all of you already know... starring Jay Chou as... wahahaha.... fujiwara tofu's store sucessor... the drift master... mogi (stupid name)'s boyfriend... FUJIWARA TAKUMI SAN!!! High ah... can't wait for it. I think I will try and catch the sneak preview.. opening is on the 21st June or isit 23rd? either one lah.

3) My boyfriend is Type B... and it's cuz, I'm still not totally over my korean drama phase yet. Or mebbe I will end up getting the vcd.. or borrow it from BN muahahhaa.. cuz she has already informed me she likes it so much, she will prob buy the movie when it's out. Yeah!

TRY TO WATCH

1) Mr and Mrs Smith... just cuz, brad pitt's in it... and I still can't forget his lean body from Achilles... what was the name of that show again? anyway.. his bod.. and jolie's cool too.

2) Madasgcar? I think I spelt that wrong. Generally speaking, I give most cartoons the benefit of a doubt. Haven't heard reviews of it.. YET... but... ok lah.. this is a show that I know.. somewhere along the way, I will watch it.. eventually.

Upcoming cool shows (or already out? I'm living in my little bubble here, shuttling between studies and work, and weddings and funerals.. and pretty much nothing else. Wait till the 14th June.. I SHALL BE FREE!!!)

1) War of the Worlds... looks like a cool show.

Had wanted to watch, but decided not to, due to bad reviews:

1) Hitchhiker's Guide... bad review... mebbe I will go pick up the books... and mebbe someone will loan it to me instead. Do I see a hand up there in the audience... YES YOU! I see you! thank you sir/mam (can't see, it's too dark here in the www), thank you so much for volunterring. Pls leave your contact details and I will get back to you right after this blog.

and surprise surprise, i can blog on and on for like 15 mins? But I refuse to get started on my essay. But hey.. just 3-5000 words.. if I didn't have to submit something of substance, would have been a piece of cake. Talking crap I am good at... substance... now that takes some work.

K... eveyone.. start chanting with me...

INITIAL D... INITIAL D.... INITIAL D... INITIAL D....

Fonts and such...

Georgia seems like a nice font, not as nice as my current favourite, Trebeuchet, but it's a nice change from the one that I normally use, on the blog at least, which is Verdana...

Due to the fact that I am too stingy a person to pay for my blog... hey... notice that half my blog revolves around the fact that I am a poor woman, it kinda makes sense that I would not spend money on a blog that is not revenue generating. Have you ever wondered about how people like Tucker Max and Maddox are surviving? Based on their blog, they're actually publishing books. Granted, most people would term their books as trash, but hey, it's interesting to read.

One weird thing which I have noticed is about books is:
The moment someone reads a books, they grant it a level of credibility, associating it with being the ultimate truth.
BUT... don't you think a person who writes a book, is just as liable to get it wrong, as something that's found on the web (generally taken with less crediblity?)
In fact, stuff on the web, assuming the person is free enough update it regular, is probably better reference material than items in a book, which cannot be updated, unless you're made of money and buy every new edition that comes out.

Some of the reasons I can think of offhand, that grants credibility to books are:
1a) The author has to be good, cuz publishers and distributors are putting in money to try and sell their books
1b) Any tom, dick or hairy, oops, I mean harry, can write on the www. Hell, they can even post for free, like me!

2a) If the information remains stagnant, if leaves people more time to think about what has been said, and they can respond better to that as a result.
2b) Constantly moving information in the www means that people don't have time to digest information before more comes along, thought processes are incomplete, leaving all thoughts halfbaked.

But heck, this topic is too serious for a midweek morning at the office. I shall... start work. wahaha... what an exciting thought! yeah me!!!

Which do you prefer?

Comments within the space?

or comments only when you click on the comments link?

Pls vote.. err... in the comments space, or in the blogbox...

<<<================ blog box. :)



Thanks yous....

Wearing my scholl to work... o.O||

my presentation yesterday... went... alright. I think I didn't talk too much crap, and most people understood what I wanted to say. I was too kan cheong, but then, I am always too kan cheong, but within acceptable range, which is already damn good given my track record for presentation. now, for the rest of this week, I need to revamp the conference paper, to take in comments given at yesterday's paper, and work on my individual paper, which I have yet to touch. Tsk tsk... And interestingly enough. blog-city has a new layout. hmm.. i wonder where to change fonts and such. They even gave me breakdowns on the average views per page. which for me is about 13.26.. not bad, I think. Yesterday. I hit the 5k mark. I've had 5020 views on my blog. wheeee... happy happy. I am glad to see it cross some major halfway point. shows that I am now shouting out into the webspace and it's a monologue. :) Today, I tried wearing my scholl to work again, bad mistake. Blisters on both my baby toes, and thank god, a colleague had an extra pair of nice looking sandels/slippers that I could borrow. So wearing that now instead. I am in pain. o.O|| WHY??? WHYYYYYY??? and can someone explain to me why my pants keep getting stuck in the heel of my shoes? It keeps dropping into my shoe. Pants too long? or Scholl Shoes too big? or both? or none? isit my walking posture? I wouldn't be surprised. I am constantly 1) swaying, cuz I lose balance, or 2) tripping, cuz shoes a bit too big, (forgot to tell the cobbler to just stretch my shoes sideways instead of elongating it), or 3) on the verge of twisting my ankles cuz I step on uneven ground. Whatever the case, what should I do with this pair of shoes that set me back by nearing a hundred dollars which I seriously, cannot wear, not if I value my life? Sell it? Keep it? Give it away? I shall bring it home and make all female members in my family try it. aka, cinderalla, it shall belong to whoever it fits on. :) GREAT PLAN! I can now start my day.

Inane Chatter

Did you know I invented a new word? "kor-rigs" ...

you know what it means? try reading it out... c'mon.. that's right! It's my pet word for evil colleagues.

Kor-rigs are terrible beings in this world, they make or break your day in the office. IF you allow them to.

Today's a rather busy day. Wanna write a status report for my boss, and so I am trying furiously to finish more things, so that my report seems substantial. Yes, I know I am damn fake, so sue me. :P

I was planning to write a blog with the title called "I am a closet ah lian" but then, i realised that other than a cool sounding title, i didn't really have anything to write about it. Nothing of substance anyway. not that most of what I write is of substance anyhow.

Today, my friend finally exposed me as an imitator God on her blog. smart gal. :P I deliberated long and hard on whether I wanted to confess or wait for her to expose me. :)

And today's my presentation, let's pray that I dun stutter or talk too fast, as I am prone to whenever I give presentations. And yah yah, I know it's my mental model of what I am, that makes me what I am. But hey, some things are just not as easy as we want it to be.

Now that I have exposed how random thoughts run through my head every second of the day, have I scared you enough? No? ah.. too bad.

Attended wedding last weekend. Attended funeral in the weekend just past. Another wedding in the weekend after next. Tell me, is this weird or what?

My mom's finally back! Yippee... that means life will be back to normal. Hehe.. it means the fridge will be stocked up, the floor won't be so hairy, and that someone cooks dinner. but to be fair, my youngest bro did a fair job of making dinner. yes, the males cook in the family. what, you want me to cook? Sure... instand noodles or campbell's soup. your choice. I don't even boil spaghetti if i can help it. the pot is too big, and troublesome to wash after.

I managed to catch the latest espisode of 12 kingdoms, despite rushing a conference paper over the weekend. Damn, I wish they would draw faster. or damn, I wish my jap was so good, i can read the novel myself, without have to rely on the anime. and it has sucky subtitles. somebody sue them!

over and out.

"The tartness of her face sours ripe grapes" - Shakespeare

And tis a sin that I have to work with someone with a face as tart as hers.

In pantry
Colleague A: Wah! you cut your hair. So did I. (two of us, start chatting about how we like short hair and how our hair's v stubborn, and always sticks out in all direction.)
Arab Girl walks away with no comments.

In office
Colleague B: omigod! Ah nia... I like your hair! Helps to frame your face! Nice, I like!
Colleague B to Arab Girl: Her hair's nice right?
Arab Girl who seats next to me gives blank stare.
Colleague B: You mean you didn't notice that grouch cut her hair? It's so short!
Arab Girl: Well, I noticed that it's shorter.
Colleague B: ...
Grouch: ...

Colleague C: Did you tie your hair up or you cut your hair?
Grouch: Cut.
Colleague C: Nice, you look fresher.

Am I being sensitive... or... ???

Lil' things make my day...

Suddenly the day seems brighter. And all cuz, ms spammer, sent me a mail, which includes this line:

Dear Grouser
thank you for being a great leader. that's alot of work! appreciate that. ... (followed up with more work details, not to be revealed here)

Compliments are really important, I think. We should all take time out to compliment people for a job well done. I think it's really important. *Grouch resolves to self to always dole out compliments for a job well done.*

Grouch's Book of Quotes Part 1

1) Self centredness, when taken to extreme, results in a shallow humain being, devoid of empathy.

2) Environment does not make the man, man adapts himself to suit the environment and then some

3) When you think the whole world is out to get you, it could be your incompetence is getting in everyone's way.

4) When in doubt, shut up and listen.

5) When still in doubt, suicide is an option.

Post Edit: And... It is okay to stop the list at five, if you can't hit ten =)

Expectations of Friendship

This is an issue that's been in my mind today, in my drug-induced, fairly incoherent state. So bear with me...

What is it that one should expect from friends? I asked around today, and all had differing opinions. Then I realised, that everyone has different ideas of what to expect from friendships. And I have my own set of beliefs.

1) Friends will always trust you.
If I say X is a bitch, as a friend, even without justification, you should trust in me, and believe that, X, to a certain extent must have done something really bitchy, which was I said that. A friend should believe in my judgement of character, that I would not label a person a bitch, unless that person (to a certain extent) really is a bitch. and without me having to cite WHY that person is a bitch.

My friend mentioned that I have PMSish moments, and agreeably so, I am more waspish during those times. But, frankly, I think I am not that bad a judge of character. In my normal moods, I can tolerate more crap than normal people, but in my pms-ish moods, it just means I don't have the patience to deal with the crap. NOT that it is not crap, but just my intolerance to it has risen. So there.

2) Friends should always stand by you.
Even if you think I may be wrong, you would stand by me, point out that I'm wrong by all means, but please, still stand by me. Cuz I would do the same for you. But I think this is not the case with most people, as with point no. 1.

The fact that I feel like I am being wronged, and when even my friends don't stand by me, generally, that hurts me more than the feeling of being wronged, or bullied. I mean, that's what friends are for rite? To form that close knit circle of support, reliable support that you can count on all the time. If we're both PMSish, we wil bitch together, if not, then one person will support the other through a difficult period.

3) Friends will understand you and you will understand your friends
There is this unspoken agreement and trust that has formed with friends, despite differences in characters, etc, there is a reason on why we're friends. And if you're constantly seeking to understand the other party, but the other party doesn't make any effort to try to know you, it's a lopsided friendship.

Friendship is like a relationship with no strings attached. (that sounds kinda perverted, paiseh, but dun know how else to describe it.) I wonder why I even try so hard with certain friends, I feel like cutting off that friendship totally, cuz I can never seem to understand why another person would think or feel like that (ie, total clash in personality). It's like, I can understand why he/she is bahaving like that, but I hate it and it irks me.

Is it better than to not be such good friends with that person? I mean, there comes a time when there is a real character or personality clash, and then I would get all irritated for nothing. Admittedly, I have a fairly strong character, I know what I want, and I don't beg for things, I fight for them if I have to. And I have more pride than I ought to have. But when I have friends who are so meek, or so giving, I feel damn irritated, cuz that makes for an unequal friendship. It's uncomfortable for me.

okok... change topic a bit. something just occurred to me.

Someone once told me, that a relationship (all kinds, not just the lovey dovey kind), requires give and take. When a party insists only on giving and not taking, or when you find yourself only taking and not giving, it means that there is one party in within the relationship who lacks confidence. And it is not necessarily always the one who is taking who is being evil.

there are those, who lack confidence, and they refuse to take, choosing only to give, not only do they feel that they're not worthy of taking anything, they're inadvertantly forcing the other party to take all the time. Needless to say, this forms a skewed relationship.

This will result in these scenarios:
1) The person always taking will get used to it. If one day, the person who gives decides not to give anymore (whether it's becuz he/she can't, or won't), the person who takes will kick up a fuss. But in a warped sort of way, you can't blame him/her for getting angry at not being able to take anymore. Cuz the person giving was the one feeding him, until it became a habit/addiction.

2) The person taking will realise that the person giving is creating an imbalance in the relationship, and will just walk out of it.

3) The person taking will take the person giving for granted... and soon go find other parties, since the person giving will always be there waiting to give anyway.

Why am I saying all these? Cuz I feel that one must be confident in everything he/she does. Take pride in yourself. Give and take in equal measure. Don't take too much and don't give too much. It makes for a more balanced person, and makes for a more balanced relationship.

nitty gritty details...

I have been on bitch mode since I came back from office sick and feeling like shit. online to friends, and offline to family... come... lemme try to vent my fustrations once and for all in my blog. mebbe then i can settle down and get some real work done, instead of letting my irritation and anger get the best of me.

I am very very pissed off with this girl in my department, she shall henceforth be referred to as Le'bitch. First, lemme help you dislike her:

1) le'bitch said to me, "I have decided to upgrade the sports I play. Badminton I used to play a bit of, but that's so low class. I think I will move towards tennis and maybe golf, cuz they're more elegant sports."

2) le' bitch said to me: "

Shopping places at BKK

Since so many of my friends are going Bangkok, and since I just went, here's a breakdown of shopping places and food. :) But BKK is quite huge, so, do walk around and explore more.

SHOPPING
1) Pratunam Market (Cheap, wholesale market, buy more than one item normally)
2) Chatuchup (I didn't get to go to this one, but things there are VERY cheap, but it's very hot, and not really worth the effort, not v high class things)
3) Suan Lom night market (things are the higher end things of chatuchup, it's open at night, will take a 2/3 days to cover entire area. I think you will like this place)
4) Siam Square: Can take MRT there, it's a pretty cool big area, with small stores all around.
4) Major shopping centres:
- BKK (a lot of fake polos, t-shirts, etc. I think you will like shopping here, a lot of cool t-shirts)
- Emporium (very upmarket, all the DKNY, Moschino, etc)
- World trade Centre (also known as zen), the shopping here is like shopping at singapore shopping centres, but good for walk about... quite interesting.

FOOD
OK... food is a little more difficult to introduce, by place.
1) Je Ngor's Kitchen - off Shilom Road, 11th storey of some ulu building. Need more details, pls msg me.
2) Near Novetel Hotel, the area is Siam Square, there is an upmarket Thai restaurant, can't miss it. the exterior decor (has a lot of plants, and money plants) and it looks very unique. Cannot remember name though
3) Another small eatery in Siam Square, more locals go there, and the food is also pretty good. Cannot describe.

Rule of thumb is... go to places that are crowded... ie. locals frequent. Can't go too wrong. or if you want authentic food, go to places where they don't speak english and an all local clientele. Confirm authentic.

Report over and out. enjoy yourself!!

2 blogs in a day = upset me

sianz... today's a black day.

Everyone also have black face... v difficult to work like that.

To that irritating girl:
so what if you're busy? Everyone is busy what... and if things foul up, think of retification measure, which is what we're doing...

I would help more, if you were more open to assistance from me. but as it is, you want to take ownership, hey, I'm fine with it. Everyone needs something in their portfolio. But I am not going to barge in and help you make decisions, cuz you're the project manager, what I can do it is to offer suggestions.

And now, just becuz you're writing minutes, you get damn stressed up. Just minutes lah.. not that bad... but of course, the meeting I am calling for, that was supposed to start at 10am, but ms arab girl is too busy to attend the meeting cuz you's busy writing minutes, is my project.

sigh.. nv seen such an irresponsible person. I've already called for a meeting at 10am 2 days ago, and now you're doing freaking minutes but you're not free.

Ahh... so difficult to work with people like that... fire... (ie. chinese for "huo3 da4")

I am coughing again... -.-"

I hate this... I am so susceptible to coughs.. and the worst thing is, it lasts for months! This time I am smart, since it shows no sign of going away, I am going to go see the doctor first, like TODAY!. Mebbe that will stop it in its early stages. It's been like 2 weeks... you would think that's enough time for a cough to go away.

today, a new girl is joining my dept. Young mother, I think she will get along excellently with this other young mother, also a new recruit (like only one month younger) than me.

I have been here like 5 months now, since joining the company. Today's the beginning of the 6th month. Confirmation is like 3 months away, in September. Hmm... feels like I have been here forever. Although I am learning new things all the time (not as much as when I first joined, the acronyms!!!), I feel like I know the people here quite well. Especially after the BKK trip, where we hanged out some and I discovered that some had a sense of humour. Haha... and who's man u, who's arsenal, and i'm the solo liverpool fan in the dept. haha.. but it's oki.. WE WON THE CHAMPION's LEAGUE! and nothing else matters.. wahahaha.. okok.. i have to stop getting so high everytime I talk or think about it. It's just that... it's been years... so many bloody years since I supported them, and other than the treble, which, while impressive, were not exactly won in the most exciting of games, this one had blood, it had emotion, it had fight, and best of all, WE WON! The big cup.. now for the league...

I am also horribly broke, as you all already know... haha.. can you imagine, how sweet or (devious) my little brother is? He asked me why I was going home for dinner, instead of going out with friends, especially when my mom's in China and nobody's cooking dinner. (I asked him to whip up something yesterday nite)...

I replied, "too busy, got paper to do, and no money." and he replied, "You buy back lah, I pass you the money when you get back" -.-' . My 14 year old brother is offering to pay for dinner. Wahahaha...

he's sweet cuz he knows i am broke, so he's offering to pay. But he's devious also cuz I know he just wants to sit in front of his comp the whole day, and not have to go out to pack dinner. Wahaha...

anyway... doc's apptmt in 15 months. Gotta get ready for a meeting at 10 in the meantime. Today, i have 3 meetings, one less than yesterday. My life's so exciting, I can cry... haha... *koff koff*