After that angsty entry last night...

today.. the anger is slowly turning into depression.. standard acceptance process for most people... and it's the slow road down cynicism...

methinks, since I am in a bit of a reflective mood now... that all this, is part and parcel of growing up. I just need to accept that there are new lows that I can sink to, and that I really mustn't think, not even for a moment, that these new depths that I am sinking into, is any cause for pity.

Because, I should just suck it in and move on. I am not the first, nor the last, to be ticked off by mgmt, nor to be on the receiving end of contrary instructions, while making one feel like a total asshole, since both set of instructions came from mgmt, but it's still your fault at the end of the day. Because, that... is life.

I am tired... very tired. it's good that Iam going on a break.. I truly feel that I deserve it. Nvm that my vendors may be applauding my departure and are glad that the loser client they have are gone. Yeah yeah.. I know, this entry is turning out to be as morose and as sad as the previous entry.. and to think I had meant it to be an inspiring introspective piece.. NOT!

I have to dig out my old Japanese text book.. its time for some last min revisions.. IF, I can find them. :)

I want to quit!!!

Today.. I really want to quit. I feel jaded, I feel tired, and I am pissed off that my boss will still sms about work at 11-fucking-30 in the night!!!

ARRRRRRRRGGH!!!! I hate this.

I HATE THIS.

I really think it's time to move on. I don't care if I am deemed a loser, I know that they are the ones being assholes for sure.

Places to see...

Going for my Japan trip this Sunday. The one country that I have wanted to go, since Uni days. It's been... 10 years. Finally, this Sunday I am going.

And.. it seems like it may be time to move on from my position. I feel quite sad, to be leaving, sad because I know, once I leave, the friendship, the credit for work done, will all be gone. Call me morbid.. but other than that few whom I know KNOWS that I have been doing a pretty good job, the rest would start pointing out errors made, and say, it was good that she left. She wasn't doing that great a job anyway.

Soon, nobody will remember me anymore.. and that is life in a big corporation. Nobody is indispensable. You can be the most popular and best person, but the organization is like a living organism, it will quickly divert resources to fill in your gap, until things are stable again. So, I must tell myself that I have contributed and done my best for the organization in the time that I was there. I leave without regrets. The only regret would be that I am leaving in a middle of a portfolio, but 1) I am no longer young, and 2) This portfolio is not something that is of great value add to my overall experience. Of course, I have to say, I have learnt a lot and am emerging a lot richer from this.

I just regret that staying on another 2 years in this same portfolio is not something I envisage. The company is also not one where I can see myself spending the rest of my career in. Location is also a reason, but of course, that's a weak reason lah.

We will see... it will soon be time to decide... but it is not now. Now, I need my beauty sleep... :)

Japan.. 6 days more...