slow sunday

woke up this morning, read the papers, had breakfast, read a book, had lunch... i think.. i read a lot. hahaha...

have this pile of work that I had brought home, but only managed to finish one MAJOR item.
of course, it is a major item which took the whole of my sat to complete, luckily there was a dinner to attend and that provided the added incentive to quickly accomplish the feat and finish the job. :)

Now I am settling down to just do one/two more urgent items... in any case, the weekend is gone. To be frank, it has been a social-less weekend, barring the one dinner I had with my friends. I love hanging out with them for the simple reason that they are bloody smart. I mean, they were discussing politics, the long term economic shift of the world, impending famine, war, etc. It was so fascinating just listening to them, and to term it in a cliche, it was like dried soil absorbing information when the rain first comes in after the drought. I learnt lots. Of course, I was totally unable to contribute since yours truly doesn't quite see the world nor pick up information in the way they do.. but it was oh so fascinating...

Oh.. well, there was the dinner I had with colleagues, had planned to have dinner with another gang of friend but had to fly aeroplane since my work couldn't be finished in time to leave the office. Well, I could, but that means more work on Monday and worrying over it during the weekend. It was fun.. had beer over zi char, like those uncle right? hahaa.. it was fun.

so ok, I have stopped applying for jobs, for the simple reason that I had applied for that XX position cuz I really really really think I will work well there... but the rest... nothing that I am that interested in, until I get my bonus anyhow.. maybe if I just let things slide, I will be able to stay the minimal two years I had planned in my current portfolio... by then, I would be 31... to think my plans were always to move on when I hit 30... well, there are still 9 months to go... I may yet follow the path I had charted out. :)

Earth Day

Earth Day
Saturday, 29 March, at 8pm.
Join the world in turning off your lights at home, etc for 1 hour. It will make a difference!

so what's up?

won myself a dvd player at the recently ended divisional dinner and dance. well, it came at a huge price.. seeing as ... aiyah.. nvm.. v traumatise by the event.

so.. anyway.. since my last "barrage" of sending out resumes to talent agencies and stuff, I have pretty much not done anything. Cuz I have been too tied up with work. Focus is on the dept people... work to be done, throats to be slit, blood to pour down the river until the deed is complete. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!

Didn't get that *pat pat*, no worries, neither did I.

I have to add.. the purpose of this blog was to thank my pal, Ms ZXL for treating me to a birthday dinner, complete with white knight in shining armour, or maroon van in this case, sending me home. :) thanks a mill pal! Well, I can't send you home, seeing as I lack the guts to drive.. but I sure can help celebrate your birthday when it comes around later in the year! hehehe... Do you happen to want/need a dvd player???

I am going to fall sick, my nose is perpetually block, my cough is getting worst and I am feeling very tired and stressed. On Wed, I went mad in office and now even my boss is trying to comfort me and even helping me with the gigantic pile of work sitting at my table. Which is really bad, but maybe, just maybe, I do need the help... cuz the workload is.. just... all I can say is, I have only one pair of hands unfortunately.. Arghh... >.<

Keep telling my colleagues that I want to change job.. v bad hor.. so negative.. I shdn't affect them like that, plus it would make me look really stupid when I DON'T change jobs. hahahaa... but frankly, I know what I am doing, I am cutting off my roads slowly, so that when the time comes, I don't turn coward and not want to leave. Maybe that is why I am so stressed too, since I am trying my best to hasten all ongoing projects, so that I can leave in peace.. hmm.. that's an interesting thought... but seeing as existing operational stuff, plus the many new projects coming up comes up to quite a bit.. hmm.... I only have one pair of hands, I have to remember that.

Sigh.. how to leave?

How to leave when:
1. A lot of my current colleagues are rotating out, and I would be the most experienced person the department, so they will need me here to run ongoing projects
2. A lot of people have vested in time and effort to try and "groom" me..
3. A lot of work and projects are pending, as the entire suite of product at the end of the days, boils back down to me, cuz I handle all the media
4. I can almost sense and breath the expectations on me and the need for me to perform and excel so that those who have been "selling" can say.. see, I told you she's good...

So how? the problem is not that I am not doing well, the problem is that the company is not paying well... and the benefits are not exactly the best in the world...

Tough decisions... tough... of course the plan now is to just start looking and only move when it's really too good a job to say no to. But there is this sense of responsibility towards the projects.. oohhh.. all my babies.. and I cannot follow up on them and ensure that they're in good hands.. BAH!!!!!

Alamak

Alamak.. I couldn't resist it. I went and submitted my resumes for some "impossible" position, positions that requires 12 years experience etc. But somehow, after having submitted my resumes to some headhunting firms, big companies and these impossible positions, I feel a lot better. I feel like I am finally doing something about my life.

I feel rather sad thinking that I am going to leave some projects dangling after I leave, but still, I guess there's a give and take. I sure hope the processes I have helped to put in place hold firm and help in my successor's job. Aiyah.. I wish I could have "tolerated" and stayed at least 2 years in this portfolio, but as it is, circumstances such as low pay, intolerable boss's boss and "slowness in promotion" are catalysts for my departure.

Then comes the next question, if they offer to try and let me stay, will I accept it... hmm... I'd better not.. wahlamak... zzz.... I hate pondering these issues...

it's the final countdown...

bet you think I am thinking of my birthday countdown right? that's where you're wrong...

I am thinking that I will soon be leaving the company... I am starting to plan for it. But first of course, in order of priority:
1. Get my Bonus
2. Get a Job
3. Leave.. WAHAHAHAHA

I have come to realise that while I am feeling very tortured by "yoda" (yes, that's the nickname given to my boss's boss, that or we call him "spiderman")... it is a v bad reason to be leaving my company.

I will leave because I believe my net worth is higher than what current company is giving and because it's time for a change and a need for career advancement. Current company is just too slow, and so, I doubt I have the patience to wait for them to acknowledge my talent. I totally undertand their logic, they hire a lot of people, all of whom are v talented... and it takes more effort to rise up through the ranks.

I see that in other companies too.. but maybe it's the performance based approach taken in other companies, talents are acknowledged a lot better there. Of course, it may be that I am not performing well.. (hmm.. that's food for thought), and so since I am not on the receiving end of that treatment, I am not aware of it.

Look at it this way, it about 25 mins, I will be be 30 yrs old. I would have been in the workforce for 8 years. I am not even near to being a snr executive, being 2 grades away. Of course, I potentially will get a promotion this year, and that means I am 1 grade away. But still, I doubt I will make manager in current company until I am at last 36-38.. that is assuming I am a high-flyer. But I am realistic in my expectations, I am performing well, but I am not the greatest, nor the best.

So first things first... wait for bonus announcement and date of bonus payout... then with that firmed up, it would be easier for me to start looking for jobs. I hope I don't have to resign first.. but my notice period is awfully long and potential employers may be put off by it.. aiyah.. see how lah.. worry now also useless. BONUS announcement early May/late April... ladada... must "lun" until then... REN!!!!

End of Games

Did I mention that I was sabo-ed to be the badminton captain? And after a long and hard fight, we emerged third. Hahaha... out of FOUR teams.

Anyway.. by my division' standard, getting third is akin to getting first. Cuz the first two teams are untouchables. You know it's like, playing Russia and US when you're Singapore. We lack the talent pool. Their divisions are like 6000 strong, while my division is 300. Soo... liddat lah...

So glad it's over, these ECAs, not only is it quite time consuming, it's also very boliao... in view of the amount of work done. I understand why it has to be done lah, and that at the end of the day, somebody has to do it. Soo.. liddat lah... (2nd time)

Anyway... my iod is behaving funny... *gasp*... worry worry.. me now go and find software to back up the tunes.

Obliged to blog..

Because.. my Singtel Broadband on Mobile is activated.. and I can now surf from office. To get around the fact that we have sites blocked. Also, my msn is now working hahaha. So happy!!!

For those who are curiouss: http://home.singtel.com/bbmobile/HS_price.htm

Anyway, mine's the 512 package, but cuz I signed up during the IT show, I get 6 months free subscription for one month contract. With that, it actually means I only pay 11+ per month. :) Plus, they gave me a $20 Taka voucher. Damn shiok!! :))

sinking to new depths

I have been so upset by my boss's boss.. that I have taken to cursing him everyday. In fact, I have sunk to new depths as I have started making really snide and sarcastic remarks. This is really very bad.

I feel so disgusted with myself as I really don't wish to become someone like that. Miserable and upset, always blaming everything on someone. I don't wish to lose focus like that.

Hence, I have been thinking seriously about resigning once I have gotten my bonus. I believe in my ability and I believe that I would do well anywhere. So while I am doing well in current company, I really shouldn't let it hold me back, especially if there is the situation where I find myself becoming a person that I would hate.

Soo.. actually, I don't feel too depressed, although the tone of this blog sounds somewhat depressed.. things are not that bad.. I am not that sad. Quite pissed off.. and sometimes depressed.. but overall, I am still totally fine. :)

woo hooo....

Guess what people.. Guess what?!!!

My old PC got too infected by virus and trojans.. then some parts (hardware) died.. and all in all.. the decision made yesterday night was... I have to get a new CPU...

and today... today people.. MY NEW SET IS UP! hahaha.. even though I am really lousy at setting up PCs.. I have tried my best to read up the night before, with a lot of help from skycloud of course.. and today, MLSA went with me to shop for it.. she also quite expert. :) thanks buddies!

TECHNICAL SPECS
Asus P5K-SE P35 GL/eS/A - Intel Core2Dual 8200
PC 6400/800 Kingston DDR2 (1gbx2)
Seagate 500gb (32mb)
MSI 8500GT 256 mb DDR2/DVI
Samsung S202J 20x DVD+/-RW (DL/RAM)IDE

and an old Samsung 15" LCD, and Creative speakers and my good ol Linksys Wireless G Network Adaptor...

This.. is the BEST Birthday Present ever... Yes, my CPU was very heavily subsidised...

A MAJOR THANKS TO MY FAMILY.. I LOVE YOU ALL HULLUVA LOT! :) *really, and it's not cuz you guys sponsored me.. but that you immediately did it without a second thought, you're the best!*

Sighh... it's soo fast... soooooo fast...