you know how you can get really sensitive?

I don't know about the rest of you...

but i go through my ultra uber sensitive phase.

during times like these, i take everything seriously. jokes, non-jokes. I hate talking or not talking. If I talk to others, and I get brushed aside, I feel so bad that I feel like the worst thing to appear since the baby in a paper bag. If I don't talk, I feel so alone in this world.

Times like these are bad. just like this entry that I shall soon delete, or maybe not.

I choose to delete it because, then, nobody will know how vulnerable I am. Being seen as vulnerable to me is one of the worst things in life. Because, it opens you up even more, allowing others to pour lemon, salt, vinegar and what not onto all your open wounds.

I choose not to delete it because, this is who I am. Sensitive or not.

I may post it up, in hope that someone will read it and go.. awww...

I may not post it up, cuz someone will say, "this girl should go bugger off and get a life. Can't deal with it? Suicide is any option." of which then, I will get even more intensely depressed, or I will get really pissed. And I hate being in either state.

I shall post this up because, for today, I am OK. Wahaha.. I am not feeling particularly depressed, I just suddenly thought back to the times when I get depressed. which is crap, just like this entry. wahaha... it is addictive, writing crap entries. When I have just written an entry like 30 mins ago, or even less.

CRAP! wahahhaa... being depressed is crap, until you're in depression. then you can just wallow in it, until it is time to climb back out again. then... WELCOME BACK TO THE REAL WORLD!