Expectations of Friendship

This is an issue that's been in my mind today, in my drug-induced, fairly incoherent state. So bear with me...

What is it that one should expect from friends? I asked around today, and all had differing opinions. Then I realised, that everyone has different ideas of what to expect from friendships. And I have my own set of beliefs.

1) Friends will always trust you.
If I say X is a bitch, as a friend, even without justification, you should trust in me, and believe that, X, to a certain extent must have done something really bitchy, which was I said that. A friend should believe in my judgement of character, that I would not label a person a bitch, unless that person (to a certain extent) really is a bitch. and without me having to cite WHY that person is a bitch.

My friend mentioned that I have PMSish moments, and agreeably so, I am more waspish during those times. But, frankly, I think I am not that bad a judge of character. In my normal moods, I can tolerate more crap than normal people, but in my pms-ish moods, it just means I don't have the patience to deal with the crap. NOT that it is not crap, but just my intolerance to it has risen. So there.

2) Friends should always stand by you.
Even if you think I may be wrong, you would stand by me, point out that I'm wrong by all means, but please, still stand by me. Cuz I would do the same for you. But I think this is not the case with most people, as with point no. 1.

The fact that I feel like I am being wronged, and when even my friends don't stand by me, generally, that hurts me more than the feeling of being wronged, or bullied. I mean, that's what friends are for rite? To form that close knit circle of support, reliable support that you can count on all the time. If we're both PMSish, we wil bitch together, if not, then one person will support the other through a difficult period.

3) Friends will understand you and you will understand your friends
There is this unspoken agreement and trust that has formed with friends, despite differences in characters, etc, there is a reason on why we're friends. And if you're constantly seeking to understand the other party, but the other party doesn't make any effort to try to know you, it's a lopsided friendship.

Friendship is like a relationship with no strings attached. (that sounds kinda perverted, paiseh, but dun know how else to describe it.) I wonder why I even try so hard with certain friends, I feel like cutting off that friendship totally, cuz I can never seem to understand why another person would think or feel like that (ie, total clash in personality). It's like, I can understand why he/she is bahaving like that, but I hate it and it irks me.

Is it better than to not be such good friends with that person? I mean, there comes a time when there is a real character or personality clash, and then I would get all irritated for nothing. Admittedly, I have a fairly strong character, I know what I want, and I don't beg for things, I fight for them if I have to. And I have more pride than I ought to have. But when I have friends who are so meek, or so giving, I feel damn irritated, cuz that makes for an unequal friendship. It's uncomfortable for me.

okok... change topic a bit. something just occurred to me.

Someone once told me, that a relationship (all kinds, not just the lovey dovey kind), requires give and take. When a party insists only on giving and not taking, or when you find yourself only taking and not giving, it means that there is one party in within the relationship who lacks confidence. And it is not necessarily always the one who is taking who is being evil.

there are those, who lack confidence, and they refuse to take, choosing only to give, not only do they feel that they're not worthy of taking anything, they're inadvertantly forcing the other party to take all the time. Needless to say, this forms a skewed relationship.

This will result in these scenarios:
1) The person always taking will get used to it. If one day, the person who gives decides not to give anymore (whether it's becuz he/she can't, or won't), the person who takes will kick up a fuss. But in a warped sort of way, you can't blame him/her for getting angry at not being able to take anymore. Cuz the person giving was the one feeding him, until it became a habit/addiction.

2) The person taking will realise that the person giving is creating an imbalance in the relationship, and will just walk out of it.

3) The person taking will take the person giving for granted... and soon go find other parties, since the person giving will always be there waiting to give anyway.

Why am I saying all these? Cuz I feel that one must be confident in everything he/she does. Take pride in yourself. Give and take in equal measure. Don't take too much and don't give too much. It makes for a more balanced person, and makes for a more balanced relationship.