I am happy, but not happy.
I am doing well at work, but not doing well.
Is it more my problem, or the environment?
Is it a wrong job fit, organization fit, or me?
What do I want? Assuming it's the organization, environment? I don't know.
So the answer is me.
What Do I Want to Do With My Life - 8 Questions to Figure It Out
by Catherine Pratt (http://www.life-with-confidence.com/)
I shall now attempt to faithfully answer all these questions, since it's amongst the top five search answers from google, it should be correct (notice there is a lot of faith placed on Google for this)
1. What did you dream of becoming when you were a child?
I dreamt of being a... nothing. I never did have dreams when I was young. When I was a teenager, I dreamt that I would want to be in the hotel frontline (a result of too many drama shows I suspect) and now that I know the actual working hours and the standing hours, I can say with certainty that I am glad I did not study hotel management in Switzerland like I had wanted. So where does that leave me? I am not sure. But the straightforward answer would be that I never did have dreams of becoming anything when I was a child. I think I was too busy playing.
2. Where do you spend your free time?
Largely at home, watching tv, reading, surfing, listening to music or working (well, working just means work intruded into my free time doesn't it? so technically it doesn't count). Being with my family & friends, shopping, eating, watching movies, hanging out at cafes.
3. Listen to your inner self. What does it really wish it could be doing?
I wish I could be living life in a workspace that is creative, has a lot energy and lots of events and plans, so that I constantly feel like I am contributing and helping to move things forward. Where the environment is sizzling with happy energy and work is about how good can we make it out to be, not how can we cover our ass and write more papers to justify our existence.
In terms of the what, there isn't really a what, I would love to be involved in music making, but I lack talent for music making. I am not the worst person out there, but through lack of passion and a lack of exposure, am definitely not one that is super musically inclined.
I want to find a passion that I can sustain forever, like those old lady/man who are interviewed, whose whole life is on paper cutting, or furniture making. It is so beautiful. I could make furniture! I am good with my hands and I am good at random designs... Should I worry about a market? Or the lack of a market?
Nobody just becomes an artist right? So that's tough... especially since you hear more of poor artists than rich. After some time, you compromise cuz nobody said that you have to make your passion your job. But I would really love if my passion is my job. Except I don't have a passion. I can't answer this question too I'm afraid. So moving on...
4. What activity do you do that makes you feel happy and when you do it, the time just flies by?
Blogging? Penning down my thoughts (when I have them)... reading, watching dramas. But those are activities where it's meant to sustain my interest through fiction. I know that the source of joy is an external one, and not one where I can genuinely say that it's generated from an activity that I really like and feel happy with.
I used to spend time doing art and craft and I find it extremely fulfilling, I am most immersed when I am developing something, eg. understanding how to do up my websites previously, doing powerpoint layouts (I actually quite enjoy that), designing and doing layouts... of course, all that I get at the end is a bad back and crick in the neck. There is a also a sense of satisfaction that I have created something that looks beautiful... and which also makes sense at the same time.
I am happier when the work I produce has a tangible outcome, and to a large extent, where I have a say in what that tangible outcome is.
5. What activities, events, shows, books are you attracted to?
Rock concerts, fantasy books, romance, most new activities and experiences, e.g. padi planting, mountain trekking, exploring new sites, understanding new ground. Being immersed in a new culture and wonder why and what it is that makes the same human being, but yet have such different thought processes and understanding of the world.
6. Resolve your past issues. Your past does not have to decide your future. If you let your past go and any limitations you’ve placed upon yourself, what would you be doing?
I used to imagine that I would be a reporter or writer. But what I have realized is, my style of writing is too informal and my grammar is the pits, so I never did manage to evolve into someone who can write for a living. Not good articles anyway...
7. What would success mean to you? What would the perfect life be?
Success would mean that I spend my time working on something I am passionate about, which provides me with a sense of satisfaction, and is challenging and keeps me engaged. Whether it is a position in a company or a business that I carve out myself. Position in another company just means there are the normal human stuff that irks me, such as politics, such as not being promoted, such as perceived lack or recognition, such as colleagues with weird habits. Being alone in your business means a total lack of social network support. It means being alone to face the challenges instead of it being a team. It means do or die, you can't blame your boss or the organization anymore.
The perfect life would be that I have my family and friends with me, and my other times are consumed with passion, that I wake up each morning knowing what I want to achieve and I head off to work knowing that whatever I do, is useful, is of contribution and makes the world a better place. What this is? I don't know. But it should be something positive.
8. What would you do if you had the Universal Credit Card (money is no object)?
I would travel the world, look at where needs help, build schools and homes, project manage them... and ensure that the money I am contributing goes towards the correct people. Seriously, and also, it would be good to know that I can help my family and I get out of debt and be able to afford what we want.
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Can anyone summarise what is my next move? This 'google found' question to help me find answers is helping a little, but not much at the same time... so how?
Ahhhhhhhhhh...... hands on face, does a silent scream and looks up into the sky...
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