Leaving the bank was an emotional decision I made about half a year ago... I felt unappreciated, I felt like the boss wasn't one that I can report to, I felt angsty and horrible. In fact, if I were hardworking enough, I can possibly unearth the blogs I had posted about how sad and horrid I felt...
However, since joining this more "laid-back" industry, I have come to realize that I don't seem to fit in with the organization I have joined. It is not about getting along with the people I work with, it is not about not liking my bosses.. however, something is off. I explained it away as settling-down blues 3 months into the job and told myself that I should try it out at least half a year... and so, 7 months into the job... the decision was made. This is not the right place for me. I know now that I should start looking for a new job.
Hunting starts, resumes sent, Crickets chirped.. nothing. Calls from headhunters didn't yield much result.. it was either a wrong job fit, or the bank/organization wasn't one that I wanted to join.
And so, when the question came - do you want to come back? I was in a position where I seriously considered whether I wanted to return... and answer was, "Actually, why not?".. I had taken a pay cut to join this new company, and the simple act of returning, regardless of whether I could negotiate a higher pay would already mean that I have a pay raise.
And I thought back about my sources of unhappiness, and I couldn't quite recall why I was so upset. I was upset for sure, but either I forgive easily, or I have a bad memory.
So, after talking to a few people, I decided to return. Most seem to be celebrating my return... especially those people whom I worked closely with before I left. I am now telling myself that these are the important people and that they are the ones that matter as... there are the nay-sayers.
In particular, one that would hurt the most is this close colleague turned friend, who had left just a few months before I did. She is giving me the vibes that she is pissed off with me... and the amazing thing is, we have a lot of friends in common.. so, gatherings are going to be tough if she continues being pissed off. And of course, she knows that she is a very influential lady, being extremely sociable and gregarious.. and the no. of people who will also think I am a wuss for joining back the same company I had left within such a short span of time, would increase if she makes public her disgust with me.
I am sad mostly that I seem to have lost a good friend with this decision. I am dreading having to face the "friends" who would condemn me.. I am telling myself that they are not really my friends if they think this way and that it doesn't matter. But it does. Who likes for others to hate them?
I must do some state management...
1 comment:
Just because she got somewhere else and she isn't coming back from there, it doesn't mean you can't. Either because the bank wasn't so bad after you had some time to look at it from a different perspective, or because the tourist job was worse, or plain and simply because you changed your mind - it's all up to you, not her. You are the one living with that decision, not her. What damage does your decision actually makes for her? Is she going to lose her current job? Is she going to make less money? Is she going to die as result of your decision?
I don't have much info, but from what I read from your lines, your friend is acting a bit immature in this regard. She should respect the fact that you decide for yourself, and even if she doesn't aprove of your decision, she must respect it for being yours.
I think you are entitled to pursue whatever path you deem more fit to make you happy, and if someone complains, perhaps it's also your place to decide whether they are worthy of your friendship.
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