Today marks my 2nd last day in office... this particular office that is.
And... even as I say usual, the truth is I am feeling sad today, for this has been an extremely short tenure. No farewell lunches, no fond farewells... well, there're a couple, but a lot less than my previous postings... afterall, it's only been 8 months and I am located in a little silo of an office building where only my department is located.
I feel like I haven't done much, contributed much, made much of an impression... In general, I feel like quite the loser here... I know I am capable of so much more, but I feel stifled, lost and useless here. I am not challenged half the time and I just feel aimless and bored. That is why I am leaving, before I lose all sense of self worth
But.. the day looms close and I just feel sad... of course, the usual questions such as, could I have done better or could I have achieved more comes to mind. Truth is, I think not. If any, it would only be that bit more that I could have done. But this is not really the case here... things just work a little differently from what I am used to, and I wasn't willing to make a change for this place, as I saw it as a slide backwards, instead of moving forward. If I had gotten used to the place here, I would have become a failure elsewhere if I was ever to leave. That is just my opinion and one could say I never did give it my best shot. Probably true. But there was never anything that required me to give it my best shot...
Of course, going back to my previous company may not have been the wisest move (time will tell for that), and much as I keep thinking about whether it's the correct move, the truth is, the chess piece has been moved, now I can only look forward and work towards the best outcome. With a lot of praying for a smooth and successful journey...
Today, is just depressing. I should get used to this conflicting feeling since this is not the first time I am changing jobs.. but it feels as bad each time. Will I ever get used to it?
1 comment:
It never bothered me to leave a job when it was a summer thing, but when I've changed jobs or left jobs where I had sreiously worked, and fought to make myself a career, I've broken in tears. It doesn't matter if I'm going to a better place, if I'm grabbing a one-of-the-kind opportunity others would kill for, if the job I'm leaving made me miserable and my bosses were the worst in the planet, I've always cried - WEPT! - like a baby.
I guess one feels sorry for the hopes we had on the place and had to leave behind.
Post a Comment