Anyway, this all started with an innocuous remark from Skycloud... after my remark of, "Darn, I feel quite auntie carrying my bag on the crook of my arm" (Pls refer to pic below to know what I mean)
And Skycloud's reply, "But you are an auntie what"... and *gasp*... It was a sudden moment when I realised, it's true. I am an Auntie... well, maybe I may not look extremely auntie (except for my days at the market, but let's not go into that. There's nothing glamorous about sweating like a pig in a wet market while slaving away, and I don't intend to bother), I am at that age where more friends than not are married, and at least 50% of them have kids who call me "Auntie" and not "Cheh Cheh"... I don't think I have developed many auntie syndrome, but what do you know - the kids could be laughing behind my back even now...
I am old. It is an irrevocable fact. And as a person who has never been afraid of aging, I feel the need to clarify. I am concerned about failing health and such, but not in the vain sense. Like the fact that I would look old, is not so much a concern for me.
It was more like, I had the "A Ha" moment. That's it. I am old. I am an auntie. It hit me, and it hit me hard. *deep breaths*... am I really okay with the fact that I am middle age? Have I been a success in life? Why has life's struggle not grown easier? Am I financially stable?
Omigod!! For the questions I have just raised, they beget a bigger question - Have I hit... MIDDLE AGE CRISIS?
Conclusion? Ok lah, the answer should be - not yet. I don't entirely think I am unsccessful in life. Maybe not super duper successful, but I am doing fine. :) And am I financially stable, well, it could be better, but things are not that bad, and if I focus my efforts, I should have a pool of savings in another 2 years for me to hit comfort zone. Life's struggles have grown easier as I realise that it's more a state of mind for all of life's problems. The problem is only as bad as you make it out to be, and allow it to be - including rhetorical questions of whether I am developing auntie syndromes.
So... yes, I am growing older. I am even putting on moisturizer and make up these days. And I am wearing heels (not on weekends of course, but during working hours), and all these, just to appear better. Not necessarily to look younger, but more to look prettier. :P So, it's not the end of the world.
Being 32 (would you believe I was very convinced that I was turning 33, until my youngest brother pointed out that my maths didn't add up, another sign of age), maybe I haven't really reached the real "mid life crisis" and this crisis will swing by in a couple of years. I shall try to spot it when it turns round the corner. I will then look back upon this entry, laugh and say "what the hell was I thinking of? Life sucks!"
And there, I am sorry it wasn't a big philosophical discussion afterall and we will talk about the issue of getting old, when it truly becomes an issue. Until then, I am not getting any younger, and it's time for me to go crash into bed. Oyasumi everyone. :)
