nuaster at heart

was feeling stressed the moment I woke up this morning... I woke up dreaming and thinking about work. now that is really terribly unhealthy.

terrible.

and I realised... why I am so stressed out after chatting with exotica this evening. I think it's cuz, I am putting too much pressure on myself. before you go "duhhhh...." let me explain.

You see, most of my life (with the exception of certain high stress level periods, generally related to mega milestones like O, A, exams, etc) I am a nuaster. For those who don't get it, Nua-ster comes from the hokkien term "nua(4)". it can be used to describe someone without backbone, cannot stand straight, do things slowly... someone who doesn't really care much about anything.

I am that. a Nuaster (tm grouch)

So, for the first time in my life, I am stressed to perform better and beyond constantly. My previous jobs were all handellable (in case you're also wondering, there is no such word, I made it up). I put in mebbe 60% of energy, and it's more than good enough. Most of the things in life, are like that to me. Don't need to give 100% and I can still get the job done.

BUT... somehow, due to the increased competition in the company perhaps, or perceived competition for that matter, I realise that I am constantly striving to outdo myself at every turn, every minute. The learning curve is so steep, that I have to be constantly on the go, to keep up.

That is very tiring for me, and it's been 4 months... for 4 months, I have been working my butt and brains off. It used to be a piece of cake for me to draw the line between work, and non-work. I finish the tasks that I set out to do, and I enjoy myself at nights or weekends. Cannot finish, work a bit extra here and there... no stress, everything can be done in due time before deadlines. Just be constant.

then, now... I have work taking up all my waking time, and now it has invaded even into sleeping time. I think I have to remind myself, that I am a "nuaster". the reason why I have done well in life, is cuz, I know how to take it easy. Work comes and work goes, do the work, exceed expectations if possible, but hey, work is but one part of life, there are many other areas... like play, sleep, rest, play... you get the gist.

I will not worry about work. I can stay back later on days without lessons, and work on them. I am capable, I am smart, I will get used to the pressure, and then, it will be even easier. Wahahaa... see? Eureka!

Nua-ster on a saturday night, peace out.