Anyway, this all started with an innocuous remark from Skycloud... after my remark of, "Darn, I feel quite auntie carrying my bag on the crook of my arm" (Pls refer to pic below to know what I mean)
And Skycloud's reply, "But you are an auntie what"... and *gasp*... It was a sudden moment when I realised, it's true. I am an Auntie... well, maybe I may not look extremely auntie (except for my days at the market, but let's not go into that. There's nothing glamorous about sweating like a pig in a wet market while slaving away, and I don't intend to bother), I am at that age where more friends than not are married, and at least 50% of them have kids who call me "Auntie" and not "Cheh Cheh"... I don't think I have developed many auntie syndrome, but what do you know - the kids could be laughing behind my back even now...
I am old. It is an irrevocable fact. And as a person who has never been afraid of aging, I feel the need to clarify. I am concerned about failing health and such, but not in the vain sense. Like the fact that I would look old, is not so much a concern for me.
It was more like, I had the "A Ha" moment. That's it. I am old. I am an auntie. It hit me, and it hit me hard. *deep breaths*... am I really okay with the fact that I am middle age? Have I been a success in life? Why has life's struggle not grown easier? Am I financially stable?
Omigod!! For the questions I have just raised, they beget a bigger question - Have I hit... MIDDLE AGE CRISIS?
Conclusion? Ok lah, the answer should be - not yet. I don't entirely think I am unsccessful in life. Maybe not super duper successful, but I am doing fine. :) And am I financially stable, well, it could be better, but things are not that bad, and if I focus my efforts, I should have a pool of savings in another 2 years for me to hit comfort zone. Life's struggles have grown easier as I realise that it's more a state of mind for all of life's problems. The problem is only as bad as you make it out to be, and allow it to be - including rhetorical questions of whether I am developing auntie syndromes.
So... yes, I am growing older. I am even putting on moisturizer and make up these days. And I am wearing heels (not on weekends of course, but during working hours), and all these, just to appear better. Not necessarily to look younger, but more to look prettier. :P So, it's not the end of the world.
Being 32 (would you believe I was very convinced that I was turning 33, until my youngest brother pointed out that my maths didn't add up, another sign of age), maybe I haven't really reached the real "mid life crisis" and this crisis will swing by in a couple of years. I shall try to spot it when it turns round the corner. I will then look back upon this entry, laugh and say "what the hell was I thinking of? Life sucks!"
And there, I am sorry it wasn't a big philosophical discussion afterall and we will talk about the issue of getting old, when it truly becomes an issue. Until then, I am not getting any younger, and it's time for me to go crash into bed. Oyasumi everyone. :)
2 comments:
I realise that once you hit post 30,you actually unconciously forget your age, and NOT ON PURPOSE, seriously. I think it's got to do with the fact that maybe your celebrations are just more subdued (that is considering if you even had any) that you forget ever celebrating it. Another thing would probably be it was easier to minus a small year gap compared to a bigger one haha
SyncoID
Actually, it became tough for me to keep track of my age the moment I left school... it could be previously, age was tied to the grade you were in, making it easier to track.
Since then, lapse in memory on how old I am has been common. Having said that, I do think it could be an unconscious, going into denial type of thing. hehehe...
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