While not exactly another eulogy, the fact is that this is a major milestone in my life and the passing of a great Singaporean has sparked off thoughts on so many levels that I just feel like, I have to add to the literature that is already overwhelming, especially in the online sphere.
His passing has brought out grief that I had not expected of myself and of my fellow Singaporeans, and better writers than I have spoke up. Their words are mine and we can only thank not just LKY, but also the pioneer generation of leaders and Singaporeans who slaved and who did not fall into the trap of selfishness and built a Singapore that is a beautiful and safe home.
Instead of focusing on his death and his legacy, I was wondering what it is that we can do. Granted we cannot all be the founding father and the wisdom and intelligence is not one that is easily replicated (even if you put in 200% effort). However, that should not not stop us from doing what we can. If I were to reflect on the great man and what he had hoped for the country, it is more about, what can I do for my country, my family, and I, and whether a compromise can be reached between what 老李 would ask of me and what I can do.
I had wondered about what I can do to contribute to my country. I am not one who would survive well in the world of politics. I am too impatient, too reckless and lacking in wisdom to be able to say, I can lead my country well. I am also aware of the fact that having "heart" is hardly sufficient when it comes to serving the country. One needs to have both heart and brains.
So as the average Singaporean female, based on the fun facts that are being passed around, what I should start doing, is to start looking for a boyfriend, get married and start having kids.
At an advanced age of 37, this would be a tough call. I would never discount the probability that I could still possibly find a special someone, no age limit on that. I could even get married if the right one comes along. However, I would not be able to contribute to nation building at the rate I am going. I have possibly, 3 years before all "productivity" grinds to a halt. I would estimate that most modern females peg the limits at 40, with a lot of care and help from the gynae!
I understand the fact that there are many other Singaporean singles like me. I would hardly blame the fact that I lead a stressful life, or that life is too demanding as an excuse on why I am not getting married. It has been and remains a weird argument to me.
Whether one gets attached and married has to do with factors such as fate (ahh... the intangible great one up there!) and other more tangible points like, are you even interested in finding another half, or have you been floating through life's current?
I admit I am a floater when it comes to relationship, nothing came along, and I have never actually swam (up or downstream) when I met a person I could potentially be with. If you have never truly fought for anything, how then, can you say that it's the pressures of work or society that has stopped you from starting a family? It's a mixture of personal apathy and preference.
And so for country, I have come to a halt. Matters of the heart, 心有余而力不足。 I can only do what I have always done, be a law abiding, dutiful citizen who pays taxes and gripe about what is reasonable (that is also debatable) and whine less.
Without assisting with nation building by producing more Singaporeans, I can imagine that the next best way is to be an active contributing citizen. And now that I have started my own business, it would be to work hard, with values and ethics of determination, consistency and persistence. Do well enough to be a contributing company that puts Singapore on the world map. Or at least, another Singaporean on the world's radar. But talk is cheap, and action speaks.
And truly, if I can drive myself as hard as him, to the same level of determination, consistency and persistence, I would without a doubt be a very different person. To end on another quote, "it's not how you begin the journey, it's how you end it". So how do I want to end my life's journey? How do you want to end your life's journey?"
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